


In another Life

by sky_daybreak



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: AU because canon is not a happy place, F/M, More fluff than expected, a bit of attempt at humor, a bit of handwaving issues, alternative universe, deputy is jumping timelines or universes or however one wants to see it, good seeds, happy(ish) seeds, reupload after i deleted it due to nerves, some attempt at fluff, the seeds have a chance to be soft(er), there might be some ooc-ness but i tried to do my best, this story is not really going anywhere, time is a bit fast passing in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-05-20 22:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 43,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14903289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sky_daybreak/pseuds/sky_daybreak
Summary: When the bombs start to drop, all Rook wants is to make it out alive with her friends and finally be done with Eden's Gate for good. No one counts on a Peggie overthrowing those plans entirely with a pack of fucking regular C4. Then Rook wakes up, weeks before her trip to capture Joseph, in a Hope Country free from death, no cult in sight.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This whole fic was inspired by post on tumblr from @wrathfulwit, which I can't seem to find anymore, mostly though, it's because I'm a loser for happy endings and I fell far more in love with far cry 5 than I ever expected, so here I am, throwing some entirely self-indulgent stuff out there.

The thing is, neither Rook nor Joseph or anyone from her team ever make it to the bunkers. Instead, while Rook does her best to floor it, keep the car from crashing anywhere and avoid getting caught in any of the damn _nuclear bombs_ and with Joseph fucking _singing_ on the backseat, there is a Peggie who messes it all up for them.

Rook sees the man, sees him up ahead on the road, panicking and running away from something lying on the ground. She manages to avoid hitting him, but she notices what the thing on the ground is far too late.

It's a bomb, damn regular bomb and she honestly doesn't know if Joseph ordered the roads to be prepped or if the Peggie simply wanted to be extra sure no one made it anywhere. There is a split second where she fervently, with her whole heart and soul, really, really wants to be anywhere else with her friends. She wants the world to be different, for Hope County to not be part of a cult, for people to be happy and healthy and alive.

Rook swerves the car around, but hits the bomb nonetheless with the back wheel and she can't do more than realize what's happening, before her world is swallowed in a bright flash and then, the end.

~*~

Rook jerks upright with a gasp, rolling out of bed and hand scrabbling for weapons she kept close for weeks now, trekking through the cult infested lands and _where is her gun_ , when her knees hit the carpet.

It's this moment, when she can't find any of her equipment, hand banging against a nightstand and her hand stinging, panic searing high in her veins, that she realizes where she is.

She's home, only, the room is both different and not from how she remembers, it's a bit longer. Still, it's her bedroom, with its old-fashioned carpet, half-dying plants on the windowsill and ugly ass snow globe beside her computer because it was a gift from her uncle and she doesn't want to get rid of it. Those are her clothes thrown over the back of the chair in the corner and her bookshelf that has too many books in it.

She's home and she doesn't understand. Half kneeling on the floor, her mind reels and she fumbles for the phone on her nightstand, quickly looking at it. It's barely a few days into May and that is all wrong. Then her memories are coming back, clashing with what she woke up with.

She moved to Hope County a month ago, joining the sheriff's department here. There is no cult, nothing is wrong. Pratt and Hudson and Whitehorse live here and she works with them. She knows of the Seed family, though only from rumors and other people talking about them. They live on a ranch in the Valley, not that many miles away from her home actually, and another deputy told her they moved into the county a couple of years ago.

They apparently helped out around here and became quite a part of the community. The man had smiled when he talked about them and everyone else seems to like them as well, even if John can be a bit short tempered and dramatic and Jacob at times gets a thousand yard stare. Even if Joseph likes to talk in metaphors and occasionally recites verses from the bible.

John and Joseph both have also helped a lot with the addicts around the Valley, while Jacob is said to meet up with the veterans rather regularly.

Then Rook remembers the other life. She remembers the dozens of dead and tortured. She remembers John's dead-eyed smile as he tattoos her, Jacob's horrifying cruelty, remembers the somewhat deranged and yet perfectly calm look in Joseph's eyes.

She remembers the friends she made, the things they went through. Remembers Faith and the drugs and that she didn't have a choice either and that she ended up being cruel in her own way.

Another memory pops up then, from this life, not the one that ended in a flash with panicked yelling from the backseat and Joseph fucking singing. The Seeds in this life, the ones everyone talks about while smiling, have adopted a young girl a year ago, giving her a new home. She's called Rachel.

It's like two lives are squeezing and cramming into her head at once and Rook groans, falling back against the frame of her bed and pressing her hands against her eyes. Both her lives are identical, up to the point when it comes to the where and how she ends up in Hope County. That, and she's now living weeks before she would have gone to arrest a cult leader.

Rook doesn't understand. She remembers growing up with her parents, remembers learning to fight early on, through martial arts lessons and an uncle from the military. There certainly weren't any other kids who knew how to disarm others at the age of ten. But they were kind to her, she had a good family.

She grew up normal, had some friends here and there and then, when she became a junior deputy, she ended up moving to Hope County a bit later in this life.

And here she is now, with the echoes of fighting a cult and madmen and women thrumming at the back of her mind, sitting in a life where none of it apparently happened. For a moment, she thinks she can taste smoke and ash on her tongue, smells blood and feels it wet and cooling on her hands and clothes, feels the weight of weapons and bombs on her body, the trickle of sweat that coats her neck and makes her clothes stick to her back.

Getting to her feet, she stumbles out of her room and into the living room. There are still empty, folded up boxes that she needs to put away from when she moved here and she's confused enough that she just stares at them, feeling surreal.

This is her home now, she remembers her family helping and pitching in so she could buy it. This is the furniture she picked, those are her colors on the walls and her knickknacks strewn about. On unsteady legs, she sinks down on her couch and stares at the DVDs beside the TV. Apparently, she watched Lord of the Rings last.

Her gaze wanders to the window, looking out into the night and she can't help but feel deeply rattled. Her hands are shaking and half of her itches for a weapon, no matter if it's a gun, a knife or a baseball bat, just something to hold and keep herself safe with.

She still feels tension thrumming through her and nerves that keep her attentive to all movements and noises, just like she did when fighting the cult. She never was safe anywhere, even when she stayed with Mary May or slept in the car with one or two of her friends watching over her, did she feel like she truly was out of the woods.

Another half of her is knee-deep in denial and her mind feels torn. It sounds crazy, mad, when she thinks about it. Dying in one life and waking up in another? What is this? Certainly not time-travel, everything is all wrong for that. What is it then, an alternative universe, a different timeline?

She doesn't know and all answers sound like something that should be impossible. But she can't forget, none of what she woke up with feels like the impressions from a dream. It's too true, too grim, too real. It happened, even if she can't explain it, there is a soul-deep surety crawling up in her that everything up to the bomb truly happened.  


At the same time, this life feels so incredibly real as well, too true, too present.

She lived that other life and she died in it and then somehow, she both woke up here and already lived here. Her hands feel icy cold and Rook just keeps sucking breath after breath into her lungs and does her best to stay calm as her mind reels and tries to sort itself out. A dull ache settles behind her temples as, finally, her current life starts to push the other one more into the background.

~*~

Rook hasn't slept the rest of the night and the next morning, after skipping breakfast and feeling just a bit skittish and jittery, she drives to work. There she gets greeted by her colleagues and barely manages to return the good morning Nancy throws her way.

Nancy, who betrayed them all in another life and Rook can't bring herself to look at the woman, hurrying to her desk instead.

Pratt and Hudson are there already too and they look up when they notice her. Hudson greets her with that small, quiet and a bit private smile, one she only reserves from her team. She's fine, entirely, perfectly okay, with no dark tear-tracks or that grim expression around her mouth and the way she kept her back to walls and always a gun within reach.

Staci gives her his usual, lopsided smile, almost a grin. There is a relaxed slope to his shoulders and a bit of a swagger to how he stands, like he knows he doesn't have to worry about anything, at least here at the station. There are no bruises, his eyes aren't haunted and he doesn't look like his mind is rattling with something broken and hurt.

Rook feels the air escaping her lungs for a moment and has to hold herself back from just hugging them. The surge of protectiveness she feels towards them is surprising but not unwelcome and a part of her suddenly itches to put them in bubble wrap and make sure nothing hurts them ever again.

She remembers Staci, after they managed to escape from Jacob together. How she helped take care of his injuries, trying not to imagine how he got them. She remembers him during those first few days, only finding some modicum of sleep if she or Hudson sat at his side, awake and with a gun or bow in their hands.

"Morning, Rookie." Pratt greets her and then pauses. "Everything alright?"

They're her friends and she cares for them fiercely, but she can't explain any of it, because in this life, they've only known each other for a month and in all honesty, she probably would sound crazy. She just nods and takes a seat, her throat clogging up with dozens of words she wants to say and the vague sense she'd really like to scream for a moment.  


Seeing the sheriff in his office gives her a bit of peace and helps her calm down to the point where she can focus on her work. She remembers in her other life, that even in the midst of chaos and murder, back when she met up with him again, the sheriff had remained calm. Directed people and soothed them while giving them the feeling of being able to do this, of pulling through this with keeping themselves mostly intact.

Rook, suddenly, feels incredibly grateful to have him as her boss, both in this life and the other one. 

Still, in the back of her mind, her thoughts keep circling. What is this? A second chance of some kind? Did the universe or fate or god feel pity for her and allowed her to cross over into another, already existing life? One that wasn't fucked over?

What is she supposed to do with the memories of a life before a bomb killed her? What is she supposed to do with the things she saw? With her heart breaking for Hope County with every cruelty and death unearthed and discovered?

Now, she's here and everything is okay and it settles oddly in her stomach. Her life here has been rather peaceful and entirely cult free. The worst violence she had to deal with before the police was an ex getting up her in the face during an argument and threatening to shut her up - she broke up with him immediately and vowed to know better from then on.

Even by joining the police, she never encountered anything as horrible as what Eden's Gate did.

She finds herself hovering a bit closer to Joey and Staci for the rest of the day, and especially when they're following up on a call about broken windows. Hudson gives her a questioning look but doesn't say anything about it. Maybe she chalks it up to Rook being nervous or not having a good day.

By the time her shift is over and she's driving away from the station, Rook wonders why she isn't resisting the thought of two lives anymore. Why she isn't trying to ignore it and push it away and throw herself into the pool of denial until she hits her head on the bottom?

Rook doesn't know why she's come to accept it now. Maybe it's because nothing else makes sense. Maybe because her memories feel so very, very real and she knows what dreams feel like. What she woke up with, that wasn't her remembering a dream.

So she slowly, reluctantly accepts it, even if she doesn't understand why she's here. Could it be from wishing for things to be different? She can't really imagine it, but then again, she's here and it's the best somewhat-explanation she can come up with.

Deep in her thoughts, Rook only realizes where she's going when she stops in front of the Spread Eagle Bar. She hesitates for a moment, before getting out of the car. Rook knows she has only shown up here once in this life, with Pratt and Hudson, who back then showed her a bit around the Valley as a welcome to the team.

She remembers the place far more from her other life and for a moment, Rook deeply hopes that she can befriend the people she got to know then again. Tough Mary May and amazing Grace. She wants to go looking for Sharky and wants to see how Boomer, Peaches and Cheeseburger are doing. She wants to turn around and drive to Nick, see how Kim and he are doing.

The truth is though, Rook hasn't talked to any of them yet, aside from a brief chat with Mary May. She hasn't been here long enough, just a month. In this life, at least. The bar is rather empty when she steps inside, but the lights are comfortably dimmed and Mary May greets her with a carefree, if surprised grin and a warm welcome.

"Deputy, what brings you here?" She asks, as Rook steps closer.

She looks better, Rook thinks. The lines of stress and grief aren't there and she's lightly nodding along to the song that's playing from the speakers.

"I had a shorter day at work and wanted to drop by." Rook answers, taking a seat at the bar. Mary May gives her a lopsided smile.

"Well, can I get you anything?" She asks and Rook orders a meal from the menu. Suddenly, vividly, she finds herself glad that the Testicle Festival was already over a week ago. That is one tradition she doesn't understand, be it in the other life or in this one.

She ends up chatting with Mary May over burger and fries, finds out things she never did in her other life. This Mary May is happy and at ease, but no less tough or smart and quick-witted. But she talks freely, tells Rook about her growing up in the county and of taking over more shifts for her father recently, because she enjoys it and he deserves a bit of a break as well.

When Rook asks, she tells her about the Valley and the rest of Hope County. The blond woman talks about the people she knows, went to school with and those who drop by her bar regularly. Rook feels well caught up with all the things going on and has a better grasp on the people living around here. People she never got to meet because they were either dead or, if they weren't fighting back, had been forced to become part of a cult.

In the end, Rook stays a bit longer than she thought she would and feels like she really got to know Mary May, agreeing to stop by again soon. The woman is just as easy to get along with as Rook remembers.

When she's back in her car, she bites her lip and then inhales deeply. Ignoring the knowledge of the Seed family living in the county, she drives out of Fall's End. Not thinking about them right now is the best course of action in her opinion. Then she catches sight of an advertisement and follows the directions written there after a moment of hesitation. It's not too late yet for another trip to a place with people she came to love. Maybe, she thinks, people don't remember her the way she remembers them, from a life already over, but maybe she can be their friend again all the same.

Nick is there when she pulls up to his property and his grin is easy and curious when she gets out of the car, while he steps away from his plane.

"I'm not in trouble, am I?" He asks, though it sounds joking. It's then that she realizes she's still wearing her uniform.

"No, no, not at all." She flounders for a moment. Now that she's here and no Peggies are shooting at her and Nick doesn't ask for her help, she doesn't know how to keep talking to him. Then she looks at the bright yellow plane behind him. "I've been thinking about learning to fly."

His face lights up and he looks happy, a bit excited even and he steps towards her. He asks if she has any experience and what she's interested in. A full license or just some lessons?

In the end, she makes an appointment for a lesson with him and they'll see how things go from there. She still remembers flying planes and helicopters from her other life and she liked it. When no one was attacking her. Being up in the air had something freeing to it.

"Alright, then I'll see you on the weekend." Nick says, happy and easy and then looks somewhat apologetic. "Sorry for hurrying off, I'm going on a flight with a friend."

"No worries, I wouldn't want to keep you." She says and quietly sifts through the people she knew in her old life who liked to fly. Maybe it's someone who died?

Nick laughs. "Yeah, John can get a bit snippy when he has to wait."

Rook finds herself reeling. "John Seed?"

"The one and only." Nick says with an easy grin and Rook has absolutely no idea what to do with this. Feeling somewhat numb and shocked, she steps back. She's only half aware of returning Nick's goodbye and then she's back in her car, staring at her hands on the steering wheel.

John Seed and Nick Rye are friends. Feeling somewhat grim, Rook takes a deep breath and decides to do some research. See who the Seeds are this time around. She just...she can't imagine John being friends with anyone. Not the John she remembers.

Back home, Rook makes herself some calming tea and switches on her computer. Sipping from a blue mug, she looks up the Seed family. It takes a bit of shuffling through different articles to find more than generic information. John is still a lawyer and a damn good one on top of that. He's the one who bought the ranch and some surrounding land. When she reads what Joseph is doing, she almost inhales and chokes on her tea. Joseph has fucking planted a huge field of damn fruit trees.

He and John often hire recovering drug addicts to help take care of the trees, she finds a small article on that, though not much more. Jacob, she finds out, is working with dogs and she finds the Seed website, with John's lawyer contact info, information about the ranch and the adoption page for dogs. The longer Rook clicks through it, the more bewildered and off-kilter she feels.

It gives her a headache. Those Seeds sound nothing like the deranged cult leaders Rook remembers from her other life. Deciding to...not think about it for this moment, she grabs her tea and goes to sit outside on the steps of her porch. Rook's gaze wanders over to a half-rotten doghouse and she remembers Boomer, remembers how much they traveled together and what a wonderful companion he was. She could always trust him to wake or alert her if anyone approached.

"I think I'm going to get a dog." She mumbles to herself, voice sounding a bit absentminded and she pulls away from the memory. Rook's still going to get rid of the doghouse, though. No dog of hers will have to sleep outside. Besides, the thing looks like the next storm is going to make it fall apart entirely.

She rubs a hand over her face and then leans back to stare up at the slowly darkening sky. Then she spots two planes flying side by side and her mouth dries. She can imagine who it is.

Rook decides that she's done with today. Done with waking up with two lives squeezed into her head, done with keeping an ear out for any sounds and done with making sure she knows where everyone is when she steps into a room.

So she heads back inside and tries to sleep, tossing and turning in bed and when she finally slips into a doze light enough that any suspicious sounds wake her, there are no new memories. There is nothing but normal dreams, mixing with impressions and moments from her other life.

~*~

Two weeks after waking up and remembering a life ended with an explosion, Rook feels mostly like herself again. She tends to ignore her memories when she can and carries on. Though, there are changes she can't ignore too. She can't bring herself to sleep without a weapon close and a nightlight on and there are a number of nights where she wakes up at every odd sound. It leaves her somewhat exhausted, but not too much, like half of her knows how to live like this.

She brings up the topic of getting a dog with Pratt and Hudson, who give her a surprised look.

"You can try the shelter." Hudson says and Pratt nods.

"Or Jacob's kennels." He says and she tries not to stare at him oddly when he says it. "Actually, I would recommend going to him. I've heard only good things about the dogs you can get from him."

Rook doesn't know what to say to that and tries to ignore the nerves clawing up her throat, dragging memories with them and cooling her hands.

"I'll try the shelter first." She murmurs and Pratt nods, though he also hands her a bit of a creased business card with Jacob's office number on it.

He shrugs when she looks at him. "A friend got a dog from him and gave me the card to hold on to. He forgot it and I kind of did too, until you reminded me of it. Keep it, in case you want to call him."

Rook puts the card into her breast pocket, slowly and feeling off-kilter. She still visits the shelter first, two days later.

The shelter employee is very patient, letting her meet different dogs and helping her figure out what she looks for. But none of the dogs really connect with her and she doesn't want to take a dog home just for the sake of having one.

Rook unable to bring herself to contact Jacob, afterwards, spends some time seeking out friends she remembers from her other life as well. She talks with Grace, who is slower to start a friendship, but no less herself and opens up more when Rook manages to make her smile.

Her and Nick quickly got along after the first flight together and she's happy to see that the feeling of friendship and camaraderie comes as easily as when they were fighting for the Valley. Flying with him is fun and he started calling her his flying buddy just a few days ago.

Rook also manages to track down Sharky and while he seems somewhat suspicious of her at first, with her being a cop and all, he warms up to her soon enough and she's invited to his trailer at the weekend for some barbeque. Rook is very certain there is going to be some fire involved one way or another. The weekend can't come soon enough.

Then John Seed shows up at the station. He's just as good looking as she remembers him, with his tailored clothes and combed back hair. His beard is a bit shorter, but no less full and expertly trimmed. He wears his sunglasses like intended, as he struts into the station. There is nothing else to call his gait than a strut, confident and cocksure and he grins at some of the officers.

"Sheriff!" He greets Whitehorse, a tone of familiarity in his voice. It makes Rook pause where she sits on her desk. Earl smiles at him and, as John flicks his glasses up to rest on his head, they shake hands.

"I hear you got someone for me." John says and the sheriff nods, leading him to one of the interrogation rooms.

Rook can't help glancing over to Hudson. Her friend is entirely unconcerned though and shifts through her paperwork like nothing worth of note happened just now. Right, in this life, John never captured her, made her cry or did anything to her.

The thought helps Rook to breathe easier and she forces her shoulders to relax a little, though she looks up again when, half an hour later, John emerges from the interrogation room. He has a young man with him, the guy looks like he's barely twenty. John signs some documents the sheriff hands him and they exchange a few words that are too quiet for her to catch.

As he leaves and takes the young man with him, their gazes meet for a moment. His eyes are still so very blue.

They're different though, she notices right away. For some reason, she thinks that it's the first time she's seen him look alive. Even when he tattooed Wrath into her skin, there was something dead to his eyes, like pieces of him were missing or they were so broken they would never fit back into their proper place, cutting into him instead and rattling around his mind ceaselessly.

Now his eyes look like there is something to life for him. There is light in them.

Then he's gone and after his car has pulled away from the station, she exhales heavily. Rook get's called away with Pratt a few minutes later and the rest of the day, she keeps herself busy enough so she doesn't think about John again.

After her shift, she drops by Mary May's bar again for something to eat. Rook feels a bit too worn out to go home and cook for herself and she's also pretty sure her fridge is rather empty. Tomorrow is her day off though, so she'll visit either the local market or drive to one of the nearby shops and supermarkets.

Mary May greets her with a grin and shortly after that, the bar gets busy enough that she doesn't have time to chat. Rook slips out after paying for her meal and before people really start drinking.

The last of the sunlight faintly illuminates the sky and the dark of the night is slipping across the county like a whisper-light blanket, stars slowly coming into view. There are always more to be seen here in the countryside, than in the city, stretching across the sky in constellations and glowing dots. In particularly clear nights, Rook could even see the milky way a bit.

Rook takes a moment to stand beside her car and just look up, the sound of muffled laughter and merry people from the bar settling around her comfortably. There is a sense of peace out here as well. Rook inhales deeply, smells the scent of dust and warmth, car exhaust and the sweetness of the flowers planted outside and along the bar in square beds.  
She tries to breathe in the peace and calm, to stop thinking about another Fall's End, in another life. It works, somewhat, grounds her back in reality.

A car pulls up in front of the bar then and Rook glances over to see the newcomers taking the last free parking spot. It's a good, sturdy, if a bit expensive looking car and a part of her already knows who's going to step out of it.

She feels herself still regardless at the sight of the Seed family, all three brothers and their adopted sister. Her hands tingle and for a moment, she feels the phantom press of a knife on her palm, the weight of a gun or bow in her hands. The burn of ink under her collarbone and the bite of wounds rise up in her mind. For just a second, she tastes sweat and blood on her tongue, smells the almost sickly sweet fragrance of the Bliss flowers and then, all those impressions are gone.

Her hands are empty, though her fingers still tingle oddly. Inhaling, she forces herself to move, quickly getting into her car, while Jacob holds Rachel's door open and closes it after she stands. Rook starts up her car, just as Joseph leads his siblings towards the door of the bar.

Joseph notices her when the lights of her car flash, though he most likely can't see who is sitting behind the wheel. He still takes the moment to stop and nod at her, politely, almost with an air of quiet, soft respect. Rachel waves at her and John gives a curt, somewhat impatient nod, while Jacob barely inclines his head. Then they're stepping into the bar and Rook sits frozen for a second longer.

Who knew they could have those kinds of manners? Who knew, that people she only remembered as horribly tyrants and monsters, could look so normal, heading into a bar like so many others?

She drives home in a daze and then, standing in her quiet living room, decides she doesn't want to be alone.

Rook doesn't call up Pratt or Hudson, even though a part of her wants to check in on them - always does now, always wants to know where they are and how they're doing. She tries to squash that urge down, they're fine in this life. Besides, Hudson, strong as she is, would be quite cross with her and Staci can hold his ground as well. It wasn't his fault he ended up with Jacob, who had so much more training than him.

She calls Sharky, for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because she wants to talk to him right now. He picks up and tells her to just come over after a few minutes.

So Rook goes and gets invited into his trailer. He's wearing pants, haphazardly thrown on and his trailer is a kind of organized chaos. There are a lot of things piled here and there, but everything is clearly in its place and not in his way, the booth and his bed both are free to sit on and the floor looks like he did some sweeping at some point in the day.

"So, what's up?" Sharky asks once he hands her a soda - he laughed when she told him she hates beer and got some lemonade for her instead. If she's really honest, she isn't all that fond of alcohol in itself. Then and again, yes, but Rook only is in the mood for it a handful of times scattered through the year.

"Some bad memories." She ends up saying after staring at the drink in her hands and Sharky gives an understanding hum. He doesn't pry for more, just tells her he's listening if she wants him to and Rook is glad for it. Then he talks about his day and of fixing up a flamethrower.

"No worries, Deputy." He says with a grin and a wink in her direction. "I'm not going to set important shit on fire. Or shit that doesn't belong to me."

She gives him a small grin in return, lightly knocking her knee against his under the small table they're sitting at. "I know."

She remembers Sharky from her other life. Remembers that he's smart and attentive and he's been a good companion, a good fighter and a good friend. He might love fire, but he doesn't just run around setting stuff aflame for shit and giggles. 

Or rather, not anymore. Rook is rather certain that he did set some stuff alight for shit and giggles at some point in his life. Though, he never promised not to set stuff he owns on fire. She's also pretty sure there are a few abandoned shacks here and there that don't belong to anyone either, or where he has permission to burn them down. Rook wonders if there are any jobs where he can do all that legally.

Sharky looks somewhat surprised for a moment, before he laughs and motions for her to finish her soda. Once she does, he takes her back outside and leads her to a big, metallic fireplace. In all honesty, it looks like a huge, low bowl with a hole in the middle and sand underneath.

They spend the next hour burning up all kinds of things. Trash they find lying around, cardboard boxes, twigs and some holey pants that Sharky finds somewhere under his bed. He looks especially smug burning the latter.

They talk some more, before Rook says goodbye. Sharky sends her off with a grin and tells her she's always welcome at his place. There is a small smile on her face as Rook drives back home and she doesn't mind the silence of her house anymore either. She feels more relaxed as well.

Still, she really should keep looking for a dog.

~*~

In the end, another week later, Rook finds herself seriously considering dropping by the Seed ranch.

Aside from John dropping by the station and them showing up at the bar, she hasn't seen any of them. Rook, after another two nights of waking up at every creak in the house, her fingers already wrapping around the knife under her pillow, finds herself dialing the number Pratt left her with.

Her heart is beating anxiously and she takes a steadying breath.

"Jacob Seed, hello." A so very familiar voice answers and Rook, for a second, is thrown back to another time.

Her worst memories are kind of blurry, she realized that at some point, but she remembers and knows enough. Remembers John almost drowning her, remembers Jacob locking her up. Remembers Faith's Bliss and Joseph allowing, even in a way commanding it all to happen. Remembers the dead upon dead and the damn deranged bullshit they preached that, in their minds, justified it all.

She also, surprisingly vividly, remembers wishing to slug them all collectively in the face whenever they started on their triads. 

Realizing she needs to answer, she quickly clears her throat and ignores the continued, anxious pace of her heart.

"Deputy Rook, hello, I wanted to ask if it was possible for me to come by and take a look at the dogs up for adoption." She's rather proud of how smoothly she says it. Her speech sounds a bit practiced, but that's because she's been repeating the words in her head until she felt confident to deliver them.

There is a soft grunt of understanding from Jacob and then she faintly hears the rustle of paper.

"Do you have time this weekend? If it's too short notice, I have other free slots." He asks and she glances to her calendar hanging beside the fridge.

"Saturday is my day off, that would be fine." She finds herself saying. That's tomorrow and she doesn't feel ready for it.

"Around noon?" Jacob asks.

"That's fine." She says with a nod, which he of course can't see.

"Alright, good. If I'm not around, one of my siblings will get me or bring you to me." For a moment, she thinks he'll just hang up on her. "Good day."

Then, after she returns it, the line clicks off and Rook sucks in a deep breath. It's only then that she notices how tense her shoulders are and that she's gripping the kitchen isle tightly with her free hand. Her heart is still beating too quickly in her chest and Rook forcibly calms herself back down. Things are going to be fine, those Seeds are different. Or, seem to be different.

She'll see, she supposes. Tomorrow, she'll met at least one of them properly face to face.

Rook doesn't sleep well that night and in the end, naps sitting upright on her couch, a knife shoved under the pillow beside her, so it's out of sight and her fingertips touching the handle.

It's worrying, she thinks the next day, after buying groceries and toiletries in the morning. Her sleeping pattern makes her worry and she honestly contemplates seeking out a therapist. Even if trying to explain things without sounding crazy might be really hard, it should help.

The ranch, when she arrives, is bigger than Rook remembers and it takes her a moment to realize why. John doesn't live here alone - and even then in her other life, Rook suspects he was more living at his bunker than his ranch.

There are fields of trees stretching at one side, starting a bit of a distance away from the main house. There are the dog kennels to the right and if Rook isn't wrong, she can even see a stable a bit to the side, though she can't tell if any animals are living in them. The hangar for the planes is still there, just like in her other life.

Jacob steps out of the house and onto the front porch, as Rook parks. He carries the same scars as in her other life and she can see the necklace with his dog tags around his neck. His hair is combed back and his beard well groomed. He's watching her as she gets out of the car, but his gaze isn't tracking like a predators. Instead, it feels like he's really just assessing her. He walks down the front steps of the porch to meet her halfway.

His eyes are different. Like with John, they're nothing like Rook remembers. There is something...at peace in him, maybe. Something calm and settled and steady. Rook doesn't know what to do with this Jacob, who seems calmly confident but not malevolent.

"Hello, Deputy." He greets her. His steps are quiet, silent almost, as he stops in front of her but he doesn't move like he wants to intimidate. He's tall, she once again realizes. Broad and muscled. 

"Come, they're this way. Do you know what you're looking for?" He asks her, as he leads her towards the kennels. His voice is still so familiar and Rook forcibly pushes the memories from her other life away to answer him.

"I don't think a too young dog would be the best idea." She answers. "I'm working quite a bit, so I'd need a dog that's okay with staying home alone for a couple of hours at least."  


Jacob makes an understanding sound. "You hunt?"

She shakes her head. "No, I never learned and I'm not interested to either."

That's not quite the truth. She never learned formally, but she vividly remembers fighting off bears and cougars and yeah, no thanks. The memories of her other life even make her seriously contemplate to never, ever go hiking. But then again, with all the Bliss, the animals could have been just plain mad.

Jacob nods and stops in front of the kennels. He pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks the door. He steps inside and holds the door open long enough for her to follow him. They're standing in a free enclosure now, the view to the dogs shielded by wooden walls and surrounded by a high metal fence.

There is some barking, but mostly, Rook is surprised to realize that things around here seem rather calm.

"Do you want a grown but still a bit young one or is an older one okay too?" Jacob asks her then and holds her gaze. In all honesty, she kind of doesn't remember that his eyes had this kind of blue.

"Both are fine." Rook answers honestly. And then, because it might help with choosing, adds, "It's my first dog as well."

Jacob looks away, contemplative and nods to himself. "Wait here."

He leaves and, once he steps through a wooden door and disappears behind the screens, that's when the racket Rook has expected starts up. Hell, for a second, she even thinks she can hear a short, quiet and slightly deep laugh. Has Jacob even ever smiled in her other life? Maybe, she can't remember for sure right now.

Now that she thinks about it, she can't remember Joseph smiling either. Glancing around, she can't see any of the other Seeds. A part of her is incredibly relieved about that.  


She hears Jacob's voice then and the barking and excitement dies down. Suddenly, she remembers one of the notes left by Peggies in her other life, about sending dogs to Jacob. Rook only half succeeds in pushing the uncomfortable, tense sensation inside of her back down.

Then Jacob returns, a dog at his side. It wears no collar or leash and Rook is rather sure, the only reason the dog's not running off in excitement is because of Jacob.  


"This is Racket. He's three." He tells her. The dog looks up at him upon hearing his name.

Rook sinks down on one knee, even if there is a prickle of unease at the back of her neck with Jacob now very much looming over her and her back gets tight with tension.  


At a gesture of his hand, the dog is all up in her face, sniffing and wagging his tail. He looks like a Labrador mix with sand-colored fur and warm brown eyes. However, the dog loses interest rather quickly and after sniffing at Rook's boots, moves to sniff along the enclosure. Jacob makes a thoughtful hum and whistles.

The dog perks up and returns to his side. "I'll get the next one."

Rook nods, half surprised and half relieved. This dog obviously wasn't interested in picking her as his next owner and Jacob didn't wait for her to try and find the words to convey or explain it.

This time, he's away for a minute longer, before coming back with a rather big dog. It's soft fur is thick and fluffy, looking faintly like an Akita or Husky mix, though the tail isn't curled and the fur is dark with a white nose, chest and legs.

"She'll be six in three months, her name's Pretty." Jacob says and motions for the dog to go ahead. 

Rook feels surprise at the choice of name, though Jacob doesn't look the least bit embarrassed by it, if anything, he says it with a slight undertone of pride. Pretty's calmer when inspecting Rook, but leans into it when she scratches behind her ear.

The dog sniffs at her shoulder and presses her nose against it, exhaling happily when Rook moves to scratch her neck. Her fingers sink and disappear into the fur and Rook feels her still nervous heartbeat calming down as the cold, wet nose of the dog nudges her jaw.

She barely notices her shoulders relaxing and the dog contentedly wags her tail in a slow, steady motion. Rook feels her heart warm and with the dog's dark eyes on her, she knows this is the one. Even after another minute, Pretty seems in no hurry to go away from her.

"Her?" Jacob asks and Rook looks up. Somehow, he doesn't seem to loom at all in this moment. He's even standing two or three steps farther away than before. His hands are shoved into the pockets of his jeans and it's the most casual and non-intimidating pose she's ever seen him in.

But then again, she didn't know him in this life so far, so to be fair, she doesn't know how he behaves around others.

"Yes, her." She says and when she involuntarily smiles at him, he gives her a small, lopsided smile in return. It makes his face look a bit warmer for a moment and crinkles his eyes just a tad. His shoulders look more relaxed now too.

"Good, come then, let's fill out the paperwork." He waits until Rook is back on her feet before stepping towards the door that leads back outside. "Pretty can come with us."

Jacob takes her back to the main house, though this time to the side, where there are two doors. He briefs her on Pretty's personality and how to best deal with her misbehaving or to make sure she listens to her. He says, as long as she's firm and steady, with clear rules, she should be fine.

The furthest door leads to his office and Jacob leaves the door open as they step inside. Pretty sticks to his side, used to him as her owner and when he motions for Rook to take a seat in one of the two chairs in front of his desk, Pretty moves to sit by her side. The chair is surprisingly comfortable.

Rook reaches out for the dog, feeling some of her nerves return. Jacob's office, from the quick glance around she takes, doesn't look like anything she expected. The walls are made from warm, light-colored wood. There is a couch at her back on the other end of the room with some filled bookshelves and a thick carpet. There are a couple of pictures with dogs here and there and she spots a photo with Jacob and his army buddies.

There is another photo at his desk, though it faces away from her and she's rather certain it's of him and his family.

The furniture looks like it's made of real, heavy wood and the room itself has a sort of lightness to it, maybe because of the windows letting in a lot of sunlight, or, if there are any colors, they're light yellows with some darker greens.

Jacob turns his back to her as he rifles through one of the filing cabinets behind his desk. Pretty presses against Rook's leg and she feels a bit calmer again. He finds what he's looking for in a couple of seconds and sits down at his side of the desk, reaching out to switch on the screen of his computer.

Then he picks up glasses and puts them on and Rook just stares at him while he types something in. Jacob in fucking glasses. They're rather slim too, nothing like the huge bug-like sunglasses she's seen his brothers wear and more rectangle-ish.

Though, to be fair, Joseph in this life hasn't worn his yellow glasses back at the bar. The dark has never stopped him from wearing them in her other life and Rook finds herself stupidly glad she hasn't seen him in them yet.

Still, Jacob in glasses.

They suit him, but are such an unexpected view that her mind stops trying to bring up memories from her other life.

Rook takes this moment to really look at him, at his scarred face, combed back hair, well kept beard and clothes. He's wearing a light, somewhat sand-colored shirt with a forest-green, unbuttoned flannel over that with rolled up sleeves. She remembers his jeans being gray-blue. His clothes look clean and a mix between expensive and comfortably-often worn.

"Alright." Jacob says, after clicking on something with the mouse and turning to her. "There are three check-ups for every adopted dog. The first is in two weeks to see how you're both doing with each other, the second won't be announced and the third is in half a year."

Rook can imagine why the second visit is a surprise one. If she'd chose to mistreat her dog, he'd have a chance to find out then, or he might scare her away now. His gaze certainly turned to a quiet, steady sort of steel when saying those words. Pretty lays her head into Rook's lap, panting softly in the heat of the day. Rook then notices that she tensed up again and she gives Jacob a nod.

"Fine with me." She says, her voice holding steady.

He accepts her words with a nod and has her signing two papers. One is to hand over ownership to her, the other is to ensure she can't sue him or his family if anything happens and they have the right to take the dog away if they deem the living conditions lacking in important areas.

Rook is pretty sure John wrote the whole thing and anyone signing this and ignoring it would be fucked.

Jacob waits patiently as she reads through it all and Rook keeps one hand on Pretty, petting her head and scratching her, the dog huffing in delight once or twice.

Once the documents are signed and Jacob has filed them away appropriately, he gives her Pretty's pet passport, with all the information about her written down, along with a reminder for when the vet needs to give her shots again.

"Do you want a collar and leash for her?" Jacob asks and Rook finds herself startling somewhat. She hasn't bought anything, she realizes, she never expected the process to go so quickly and smoothly.

Jacob must have seen the answer on her face and she finds herself unexpectedly grateful when he goes and also gets a bag of the food Pretty gets fed. Hell, he even places a worn stuffed toy, a washed-out blue whale, on top of it, shrugging and saying that it's her favorite. Rook honestly doesn't know what to make of him.

He then hands her Pretty's collar and leash. It's good quality leather and her collar has a dog-tag with her name on it. On the back is his address and phone number.

"You're going to have to replace that." He tells her. Jacob notices her glance at the bag of food and speaks up again. "You can finish this up and change it to what you want to feed her, but be sure to make a transition of three to four days, that would be the best for her digestive system."

"What else could I feed her?" Rook asks, noticing the words organic and natural on the bag. "I don't want to give her junk."

Jacob pulls a few business cards out of a drawer behind his desk. "Meat would be best, I would recommend horse, but cow would be fine too. Add some grain as well, like cooked noodles or rice and some cooked potatoes or carrots and you're good to go. Maybe give her a bone every now and then. And some beef tripe. If you want to stick to kibble, there are some stores on the cards selling the good stuff or what I feed the dogs."

Rook accepts the cards and notices that she would get everything she needs from of them. Jacob really gave her a small collection of online shops to look into.

"Thank you." She says, the words feeling foreign on her tongue. Not because she doesn't thank people, but because it's Jacob.

He gives her a nod and a short quirk of a smile, before they wrap things up with Rook paying for everything. She can't help but notice that he didn't include the price for the food and, to his shortly visible surprise, insists on paying for it.

He lets her with a small shrug and then even carries the bag back to her car, Pretty walking along with them happily. Rook puts her collar on and notices that it feels soft and sturdy, just like the leash. Jacob certainly isn't stingy when it comes to his dogs.

The bag of dog food ends up on her backseat and Pretty in the luggage trunk and Rook is glad that her trunk is big enough to hold her dog comfortably.

"Drive safely." Jacob says and Rook thinks there is something in his gaze for a moment, in the way he looks at her, before he steps back.

"I will." She opens the door of her car and is about to get in, when she hesitates and throws a quick: "Have a good day," at Jacob.

Rook isn't ashamed to admit that, despite the whole meeting going really well, she does hurry a bit off the property. Pretty pants happily in the back and Rook cracks up the air conditioning for both of them, cooling down the car.

On the way back, she remembers that she has jack shit for her new dog, aside from the stuff Jacob gave her. Pulling over, she parks at the side of the road and quickly looks up the nearest pet shop on her phone.

The whole meeting with Jacob went really, really well. He was surprisingly nice to her and Rook feels like she's floundering a bit, unsure what to do with her memories always stinging the back of her mind.

"At least I didn't feel like punching him in the face." She mumbles weakly, as she takes one last look at the route to the pet shop. There is still conflict curling through her chest as she returns to the street and keeps driving.

The Jacob she remembers from another life and this one, are different. Still, Rook would be content to keep contact to the Seed family to a minimum. In all actual honesty, it would make sense, too. Just alone their social circles would keep them from interacting. At least she hopes so. Hurrah to having an average pay grade. 

Rook focuses on driving and reaches the pet store easily enough. Pretty waits patiently in the trunk until Rook has clipped on her leash and tells the dog to come with her. She doesn't start running off either and instead waits for Rook to close the trunk again.

Her dog sniffs along the way as they walk to the entrance and not once does she pull on the leash, walking easily with her new owner. She's relaxed and at ease, while attentive at the same time and her ears are perked as they enter the store.

A clerk is all too happy to help Rook pick out everything she needs, from toys to the right sized water and food bowls, as well as dog beds and brushes for the fur. Choosing a bed takes the longest and Rook picks an orthopedic one, even if they're rather expensive. But she wants Pretty to have the best and since Rook doesn't have to pay for anyone but herself, she has the money for it.

She even gets a new dog-tag for Pretty. It might not be the fanciest one, but the store gets the engraving done right away, a service that not every pet store has, the clerk tells her proudly, as he returns with the small bag.

In the end, her backseat is stuffed with things and Pretty is once again in the trunk and her bank account emptier than before. Rook can't stop smiling all the way home. She doesn't clip the leash on this time when they arrive, just lets Pretty out of the car and starts carrying everything inside.

Pretty sticks to her, until Rook remembers the dog's training and tells her to go explore. Then her new friend is off sniffing at corners, exploring rooms and the outside.  


Rook grabs some dinner, stomach starting to rumble from missing lunch. She hadn't eaten before driving to the Seed ranch, too nervous for it and she wasn't feeling up for food until she was back home.

She takes her sandwiches and sits outside on her porch steps. She watches Pretty explore the, admittedly, pretty big garden, nose intently on the ground. Rook won't ever not be grateful to her parents and uncle, who insisted on getting her a house after she moved away from the city.

They were disappointed she wasn't going to move back home to them, but were happy enough when she invited them to drop by whenever they wanted to. It was actually her uncle who walked up to her, slapped down his laptop and told her to pick any place she wanted in Hope County, he'd help pay for it.

After that, her parents were all up for it as well and another relative even helped with getting furniture. So now Rook owns a place of her own, with a guestroom that's promised to her family. She should call them, she thinks, chomping down on her sandwich. They haven't heard from her in a while. 

Finishing her dinner and after feeding Pretty, on a whim, she does exactly that. Her parents are audibly happy to hear from her and her uncle, who has moved into the cabin beside the farm house after being honorably discharged from the army a while back, and is currently over for dinner, yells something that sounds like a greeting from the background.

In this moment, she is fiercely glad to be here, to be able to talk with them again and tears prick her eyes for a moment, imagining that, in her other life, she'd never have seen them and her friends again.

Rook is happy talking to them, about her job and Pretty and she promises to send pictures. Her uncle especially is interested in her new friend. He loves dogs to bits and tells her in a playfully conspiring tone, that he'll start on wearing his brother and sister-in-law down to get a dog onto the property as well.

Her father tells him to just get a dog, as long as he's making sure there won't be any dirt dragged into their house and he cleans up after it.

Rook laughs at the whoop from her uncle and looks up at the darkening sky with a wide smile. She's happy for her uncle as well. Ever since leaving the army years ago and being close his family again, he's relaxed a lot more. Gone is the grim but still rather supportive man from her childhood, who taught her everything he thought she needed to know - and a bit more than that, if she's honest.

Then again, a number of those lessons have helped carry her through fighting a cult.

They bring the call to a close soon and after hanging up, Rook watches as Pretty walks up to her, panting and happy and she crowds close when Rook starts scratching and petting her.

"You're not going to be that well behaved soon." Rook croons at her. "I'm probably not as strict as Jacob, I hope he won't bust a vein when he drops by in two weeks."  


That does give her a pause. She hasn't thought much about Jacob visiting yet, but before she can get nervous or worried, Pretty licks across her chin and Rook finds herself laughing, pressing a kiss on her dog's head.

"Let's go to sleep." Rook says and gets up.

Pretty's dog bed is in the living room and she happily settles down after drinking some water from her bowl in the kitchen. Rook leaves her bedroom door slightly ajar, so the dog can get in and wake her if anything happens or she needs anything.

She has a better time falling asleep this night. It faintly reminds Rook of when she traveled with Boomer in her other life. Of the dog sleeping beside her and giving her a bit of peace and calm. She never dared to sleep deeply, but she slept well enough, knowing that it was impossible to sneak past the smart dog.

With Pretty in the living room, that knowledge pops up in the back of her mind again and Rook sleeps easier.


	2. Chapter 2

"Who's the best girl in the world? The very prettiest?" Sharky asks, scratching Pretty's head and fluffing up her fur and laughing when she licks all over his face as soon as he crouches down.

Sharky adores her and, together with Nick, declared they would be dog-uncles now. Rook honestly feels so blessed with her friends.

Nick laughs at her side, one arm wrapped gently around Kim. The woman is pregnant, though definitely not as far along as Rook remembers from her other life. Mary May is humming in Rook's kitchen, having shooed out everyone but Whitehorse and Grace, as she prepares the rest of the food. Her voice drifts outside from the open windows and door. Hudson sits with Pratt on Rook's other side, a grin on her face and sodas in both their hands.

"You're the best dog ever." Sharky says, sitting on the ground now and with Pretty practically in his lap. Like this, it actually looks like the dog might be just as big as him.

"What do you think about getting a dog as well?" Nick turns to Kim and his face gets a hopeful look when she doesn't disagree right away.

She looks contemplative for a moment. "Let's talk about that again when our daughter is here."

"Or son." Nick says and Rook can't help the snort of amusement. Nick is one stubborn guy, but she remembers the look in his eyes when he glanced at his daughter in Kim's arms, while pushing the wheelchair.

He loved her, the little bundle of life and it was so very obvious to see on his face, that he was already handing his heart over to her. Rook pushes down the thought of what happened to Nick in her other life. A part of her doesn't want to know, doesn't wish to imagine it if anything ended badly.

Sharky comes back to them then, shorts dusty from sitting on the ground and with Pretty happily walking with him. She's such a great dog and incredibly loyal. She sits down at Rook's feet and leans against her when the deputy moves to pet her.

"I'd dog-sit her any day." Sharky says with a grin and thanks Hudson when she hands him a cold lemonade, before he returns to the grill.

"Don't get dog hair all over the food!" Kim yells with a grin and he waves a lazy salute at her.

A few minutes later, they sit down on the rickety garden chairs and big table that Rook found on a weekend sale just the day after picking up Pretty. 

She's glad for it now, everyone can fit comfortably and Mary May and Sharky proudly load the table with everything they created. From meat and vegetable skewers to steaks and baked potatoes, salad and various dips along with normal and garlic bread.

Pretty lies a few feet away in the grass, not even bothering to try and beg for food at the table. Rook keeps Sharky from throwing her some of his meat and Kim gives Nick a pointed look, who tried to sneak a piece of sausage from his plate and immediately stops.

It's a great day, people relax and laugh or joke and Rook idly thinks about seeing if she can drive through the rest of Hope County soon. There are other people she wants to look for, people she hung out and fought with in another life. She hopes Jess, Adelaide and Hurk are doing well.

When they leave, Rook gets more hugs at once than she can ever remember, Kim and Sharky squeezing her just right. Nick's hug is gentler, more careful, ending with a pat to her shoulder Pratt and Hudson both give her hugs that speak of knowing her, adding a small squeeze at the end. Whitehorse gently claps her on the shoulder and thanks her for inviting him. Mary May and Grace both hug her as well, warm and comfortable, before departing along with the others.

Rook raises the volume of the radio and sings along to the songs while she cleans up. There isn't all that much left to do though, her friends are the awesome sort who don't just eat and dash, they helped her carry everything back inside and loaded the dishwasher. They even threw the empty bottles into the bin for the glass.

All that's left for Rook is to put leftovers into the fridge and clean the grill and the table outside. Pretty is already on her dog bed when Rook is done and locks up the front door. She still does a quick sweep of the house, making sure all windows are closed and locked and no one is hiding anywhere.

It may be foolish and stupid and her dog surely would tell her if anyone snuck in, but Rook feels better when she does her usual round. Safer.

This night, Rook doesn't sleep well. She jerks awake again and again and rolls around in bed until the blanket is twisted around her legs, feeling too hot and then too cold. At some point, she hears the soft click of claws and a dark, wet nose surrounded by white fur nudges the bedroom door open. There is a small light burning in the corner of Rook's bedroom, like every night nowadays, and therefore she has no problems seeing her dog look into the room.

Rook pats the mattress and Pretty comes closer. After a bit of encouraging, she jumps up on the bed and walks around until she's between the wall and Rook, lying down and pressing close. Rook reaches out and pets her. Soon enough, Pretty's head is lying on her shoulder and she feels the rise and fall of the dog's flank against her side. It lulls Rook to sleep sooner than she thought. She slips off into the dreamland, with Pretty pressed close, calming and comforting and breathing against her shoulder. 

When Rook wakes to her alarm the next morning, she's lying on her side, with the line of Pretty's back pressed shoulders to hip to hers and with one foot hanging over the edge of the bed. Quieting the alarm, Rook glances over her shoulder and realizes that in their sleep, Pretty and her shifted around until the dog's almost lying in the middle of the bed, legs stretched out and pressing as much of her body against her owner.

Rook involuntarily thinks of Jacob and his advice on how to keep Pretty in line and she finds herself huffing sleepily. Her dog looks up and wags her tail, a steady thump against the mattress and then the dog twists enough so she can lick Rook's chin. And yeah, the dog is going to sleep on the bed from now on, the rules be damned. Rook is actually surprised she kept Pretty sleeping in the living room for a week and didn't give in sooner.

~*~

The day Jacob is going to drop by for the first check-up, Rook finds herself unsure and nervous again and it makes her angry at herself as well. She had defeated Jacob in her other life, she tells herself. She can hold her ground, and besides, this Jacob doesn't seem to have any urges to go killing and conditioning people. She'll be _fine_.

Still, she only notices her tension and continued sweep of her home and surrounding area, when Pretty presses close and makes a soft sound. It's not exactly a whine, but it gets Rook's attention and when she moves to pet her dog, she finds herself calming down until she feels like she's properly in the present again.

Huh. Apparently, Jacob has dogs who are good with helping their owners deal with...whatever it is that befalls Rook. Anxiety, flashbacks, she isn't quite sure herself, maybe both and something else. Then she remembers what she knows about his life and yeah, okay, it makes sense that at least some of his dogs are good at soothing people.

The thought of Jacob having panic attacks or anything of the sort while crouching among his dogs and them helping him calm down again, is something Rook gently pushes away again. It feels invasive, somehow, imagining him like that. She actually shouldn't even know of his childhood and his trauma from fighting a war.

In this life, she's not supposed to know anything about him. Not more than what the town talks about at least. His scars are pretty obvious, so it's not like he can hide that something had happened to him at one point in his life. But she does know more than that and she even did some digging despite herself and found another difference in timelines. This time around, Jacob never killed and ate his friend in the army, they both made it back, barely, but alive.

The sound of a car approaching gets Rook to straighten and Pretty perks up as well. She waits as Rook answers the door when a knock can be heard, a few seconds after the sound of a car door closing. There were no footsteps. Jacob, for his size, can be damn quiet. The man looks like she remembers him, when she opens the door. Though, this time, he wears a plain, light-grey shirt, no flannel and dark shorts. His boots are heavy and sturdy, clearly meant for hiking and weathering any kind of terrain and weather.

His gaze jumps to Pretty for a moment and Rook can hear the tail wag even with her dog obediently still sitting a bit behind her, waiting for the visitor to step inside and for her to be allowed to greet him.

Rook steps back so Jacob can come in and squashes down the rise of unease, the way something prickles along her spine when he's barely more than half an arms-length away from her. He's close enough, she can even catches his smell, the scent of the woods and grass, mixed with the scent of freshly washed clothes and just a bit of a very subtle smelling aftershave.

"You can keep on your shoes." She tells him as he pauses and then turns to Pretty. "Say hello."

The dog immediately jumps to her feet and Rook tries not to feel surprised at Jacob smiling at Pretty, when she presses up to him and gets pet. Jacob sweeps his hand along her spine and has the dog put a paw into his palm. His scarred, callused hands are gentle the whole time.

"She's settled in well?" He asks, and straightens again. It's impossible to miss how his gaze sweeps through her open kitchen and living room.

He sees the toys littered around, how Pretty's favorite is in her dog bed, and that her water bowl is filled. Hell, Rook is sure he can gauge the quality of the dog bed just from where he stands. Considering he's living with John and looks after his dogs very well, it wouldn't surprise her.

"Yes, I haven't noticed any problems from her side. She's been relaxed and curious." Rook answers as Pretty sits down at Jacob's feet, looking happy to see him again.

It makes Rook think once again, that this Jacob is different than the one she knew in her other life. The dog at his feet is relaxed and at ease but attentive, like she doesn't want to miss a cue from him.

Jacob nods once, slowly. "Alright then. I'll be by again." He takes a step back to turn towards the door and Rook is sure her surprise shows on her face.

"You're already done?" She finds herself asking.

"I couldn't see it if you were hiding anything. Not now, anyway." Jacob says and his voice is steady. 

Rook wonders if he's already had to save some of his dogs. If he sold them to owners and later on had them back at his kennels with injuries or in worse conditions. The thought alone makes her stomach tighten and her hands flex slightly.

His gaze doesn't waver from hers. "That is why the second visit isn't scheduled. I have more of a chance to see how she's doing then. And if I drop by in half a year, you couldn't hide how she reacts to you. If you hurt her, that is."

His voice has taken a more gravely quality as he talks, something dark in it and there is an expression in his eyes. It takes Rook a moment too long to realize it's guilt wrapped in an unspoken warning. Yeah, he probably had to save his dogs before and that realization causes a bitter taste to spread over her tongue.

"No worries then." Rook says, feeling calmer than ever before in his presence in this moment. "I'll take good care of her."

He looks at her, steady and assessing and she doesn't know him nearly well enough to have a grasp or read on his emotions and thoughts.

"Yeah." He murmurs and then steps away. A moment later the door is open and he ducks back out of her house. Rook notices that the top of his head is just a few centimeters away from brushing the top of the frame.

Pretty follows him for a few steps and then stops, watching him walk down the few stairs of the porch. Rook finds herself looking after him as well. Jacob's steps are quiet, nearly entirely silent and he opens the door to his pick-up.

The car has a kind of rusty color and is covered in dust from the road. After sitting down behind the wheel, he surprises her by giving her a nod and then he's driving away.  
Somehow, it feels like all this Jacob has done, is surprise her.

Pretty looks up at her and then sits close so she can lean against her. Rook absentmindedly pets the dog's head, which easily reaches her hip, maybe even her elbow like this. They remain like this for a few minutes longer, before Rook decides to go on a walk with Pretty, now that Jacob's visit is over and dealt with.

The wildlife is, thankfully, a whole lot calmer in this life. Rook certainly hasn't been mauled by anything so far. She's still keeping an eye out, though. Damn cougars and wolverines surprised her one time too many in her other life for her not to be attentive.

~*~

The thing is, Rook would have been perfectly fine if she didn't have any contact with the Seeds in this life. Or at least, aside from Jacob dropping by to check up on Pretty. They could live their life and she had hers and they would never have to see each other or interact.

Heck, in all actual honesty, she thinks she probably wouldn't have seen any of them either, if she hadn't decided to drop by the church in Fall's End. Rook isn't even religious. Her parents took her to church a few times as a teen, but she never felt anything resonate within her during those times.

She likes churches though, likes the quiet and the lingering sensation of people praying. In a way, even if she doesn't believe in what the church preaches, it does feel like god is present and listening. Rook herself believes in a more universal kind of power. Still, despite liking churches, she hasn't set foot into one in a quite a number of years. If she isn't counting her other life, that is.

The last time she visited one in this life, was during a week-long trip across the country with her uncle back when he was discharged from the military.

Rook remembers dropping out of law school sometime after that, to help him and her family, who hit a rough patch financially at the same time. Things all worked out rather well in the end and she could return to her studies, but it was good too, that she spend time in her childhood home once more. She had grown closer to her family again, breaching the gap left by her teenage years and clearing up some issues between them.

Now, Rook is back in front of a church because she wants to talk to pastor Jerome. He's the kind of man of faith that she likes to talk to and he carries the sort of calm and soothing air that tells other's he feels safe in the hands of his god.

She remembers what he went through in her other life and how he helped her. Rook liked talking to him and some part of her wants to see him unharmed, with his church intact. With no blood and no deaths or the corpses of crows nailed to the outside.

She almost runs straight into Joseph Seed when she reaches for the door of the church, which swings open at the same time. Joseph and her stop with nothing more than another step between them, avoiding a collision. The man wears his yellow aviators this time and as his eyes widen for a split second in surprise, she feels her world going kind of numb and shortly, there is a odd high-pitched sound in her ears.

For a moment, all Rook sees is the scarred, tattoo covered cult leader that was the reason, the drive, behind all those destroyed lives. She remembers him, when he came when John almost drowned her, in the midst of Faith's Bliss, when Jacob had her in the cage. She remembers him whispering to her that no one will come for her, after the helicopter crashed, and him singing in the back of the car as bombs fell.

Then she inhales and her mind returns to the present. Her hands feel numb and there is something crawling along her spine, sending strange, sort of skin-pulling Goosebumps along her arms and scalp. Something cold prickles across her neck like dozens of tiny spiders.

"Hello, Deputy. My apologies for almost running into you." Joseph says and his voice is just like she remembers. Calm and somewhat private, like it could be so easy to trust him. Like he'd listen to what you want to say and help you find the right path.

His eyes though, his eyes are strikingly different. When he looks at her now, his gaze is clear and he's _there_ entirely and completely. The wrongness, the strangeness, the unsettling way parts of him seemed to be gone back in her other life, is missing this time. It makes breathing easier somehow.

Rook steps out of the way, her mouth dry. "Hello, Mr. Seed."

"Joseph is fine." He says and gives her a small smile. She never, ever expected to think that his face can look like it's softening, but that's exactly what the smile does. It makes him look a tad softer. "With my family, first names make it easier to keep track of who you're talking to."

And his voice sounds somewhat gently joking. Rook is so caught off guard, the cold prickle across her neck fades and she feels less jittery.

"Joseph, then." She finds herself saying. Her gaze flicks towards the church for a moment and Joseph steps outside.

"Have a good day, Deputy, it was nice to meet you." He says and with that, walks past her. She catches a whiff of his cologne and, bizarrely, thinks that, in her other life, he never wore any. Now he smells like an expensive man with an undercurrent of sunshine and freshly cut wood.

She never thought she'd associate Joseph with sunshine, much less him smelling like it.

"Can I help you?" Jerome asks from behind her and Rook jumps, surprised that she didn't notice him walking up to her.

He gives her a welcoming and slightly concerned look, before he steps back with a calming smile. "Feel free to come in, Deputy."

Rook follows him inside and thinks that his church feels welcoming this time around. Without anything defacing the walls, without Peggies destroying parts of it, she sees how this is a place where people like to go and hear about god or talk to Him.

The air smells fresh and slightly like wood polish. There is a comfortable, soft warmth waiting inside, the floorboards creaking gently like they know her and welcome her to come in and sit down for a while.

"Joseph has been a great help in the community." Jerome says easily, his pace measured as if he doesn't wish to rush her on their way towards the altar. "I take it you haven't met him yet?"

Rook shakes her head. Even with the almost four months she's already living in Hope County now, she hasn't met him. She saw him once, at the bar, but that wasn't really like meeting him, in her opinion.  


They stop before the altar and Jerome turns to face her. "It's good to meet you as well, Deputy. I'm Jerome Jeffries."

He offers her his hand and Rook shakes it, telling him her name, though he probably already knows who she is. His grip is the right kind of strong and his palm is warm and she can feels the gun calluses. Not enough to be overly obvious, but enough to tell her he knows his way around them. Knows how to fight and her memory proves that further. Jerome can hold his ground.

 _Good_ , Rook thinks, though at the same time, she hopes that in this life, he never has to put this knowledge to use. Never has to wear bullet-proof armor and fight for the lives of the people around him, hoping to save who he can.

They talk for a bit, not for long, but it's a calm and nice conversation. Before she leaves, pastor Jerome lets her know she's always welcome and she gives him a genuine smile in return. She might show up again, if only to talk to him or sit a bit in the comfortable silence of the church.

On her way home, she gets a call from Pratt, who asks if he can drop by her place. Rook agrees and he waits on her front porch when she pulls up her driveway.

Staci holds up some lemonade and gives her a small grin when she leaves her car - like Sharky, he found her aversion to beer amusing for some reason. Rook opens the front door of her house and gets greeted by Pretty, who also makes sure to check that she knows the newcomer who has been sitting outside her home. Once she sees that it's Pratt, she's entirely at ease, greeting him with a soft nudge with her nose.

Since Rook feels lazy and hasn't washed her big drinking glasses after a visit from Sharky yesterday, she pulls two big mugs from her kitchen cabinet, pours ice into both and hands one to Pratt.

He lifts an eyebrow and when she calmly opens one of the lemonade bottles and pours the contents into her mug, he laughs. It makes his whole face look brighter and his eyes look alight with mirth. Heck, he has _dimples_ when he laughs.

It's then that Rook realizes she hasn't really heard Staci laugh ever since waking up with the memories of a life lived and died in. Actually, now that she thinks about it, she doesn't think she saw him laugh before either. Grin, yes, but laughing? No. And in their old life, he certainly had nothing to laugh about.

She exhales and tries not to think further on it. Pratt is fine, this time around. He's content and healthy and there won't be a cult changing that.

They settle on the porch steps together and Rook wonders if she should invest in some chairs, so visitors can sit comfortably outside with her. This is fine for now though, so she lets the thought sit idly in the back of her mind.

Rook sips now ice-cold lemonade from her mug and a glance shows it's her superhero mug. A glance to the side reveals she gave Pratt the mug with a smiling, relaxed sloth lifting one paw in a wave. She's pretty sure she has a unicorn mug somewhere too.

Rook stares out across her large garden and notices in the back of her mind, that the grass is long overdue for a trim. They sit in silence for a bit, before they start talking. It's easy to get along with Staci and Rook is quietly happy for the chance to just have this friendship with him. No cult, no world ending, no pain.

This life is good, she thinks and a part of her that's been keeping her alert as much as possible, seems to relax a bit at this realization.


	3. Chapter 3

Two weeks later, Rook stumbles out of the bed, alert and confused when someone rings the bell. Pretty is at her side right away as well and sticks close as they walk down the hallway to the living room and open kitchen.

Rook isn't overly concerned though, it's probably one of her friends, who are up along with the sun for some reason or another. Maybe it's Sharky and he wants to crash on her couch because he set fire to something that stunk to hell and back instead of going to bed, and he doesn't want to sleep in his trailer now because of it.

Besides, Pretty doesn't look tense, if anything, she seems to know who it is and is happy about the visit.

Rook is, therefore, suitable caught off guard and surprised when she opens the door to none other than Jacob Seed. He looks like he's been awake for one or two hours already and wears a brown shirt today, with slightly dusty jeans.

"Hello, Deputy. I've come for the second visit." Is all he says, like it's entirely normal to stand in front of her door at six in the morning.

Rook gives him a Look before she can stop herself and steps back, letting him in. She's also rather certain, that she saw him quirk a small, amused smile from the corner of her eye. Pretty is just as happy as the last time to see him and Rook wonders if she maybe misses him.

There is definitely a smile on his face when he bends down to pet her. This time, he looks her over as well. Rook doesn't feel sleepy anymore, though she's consciously doing her best to stay as relaxed as possible. It actually works too.

"She looks good." Jacob says when he straightens again, after looking at her dog's paws and taking a quick look into her mouth as well. His gaze sweeps through the living room again and he pauses before looking at her.

"She's sleeping in the bed, isn't she?" He asks in a sort of voice that tells her he already knows the answer. What's surprising, is the lopsided grin she can start to see in the corners of his mouth.

Rook, unexpectedly, finds herself smiling, entirely unrepentant and not sorry in the least. There is an amused snort and he's really grinning now. It crinkles the corners of his eyes. Hell, like this, it's entirely impossible to overlook or ignore that he's handsome. It makes his face look warm and approachable, a bit rugged with the scars and his everything, but the handsome kind of rugged. Then he looks ready to leave again.

"Do you want some tea?" Rook asks, half blurts, really. When he looks at her, his surprise is hidden so well she catches just a glimpse of it. She motions at her dog and wonders what the hell it is she's doing. "She looks happy to see you."

Jacob looks down at Pretty, who's sitting at his feet again, tail wagging from side to side without hurry, the way it always moves when she's content. She's also steadily looking up at him.

"I don't have coffee, so I can just offer tea." Rook says when he glances at her again. "Or lemonade and water."

Sharky had given her a double-take when she told him she didn't like coffee either and then he'd asked her if there was anything she _did_ like, if beer and coffee were already off the table. Rook is quite proud to say, that he left later that day, admitting that there was one tea in her collection that he really liked and it was an acceptable substitute.

Jacob, for a moment, looks like he's going to decline and leave, before he gives her a short nod. "Tea is fine, thank you."

Rook walks to the kitchen and Jacob follows, two steps behind her and settles down at one of the high chairs at the isle. She sees him reach out to pet Pretty again when the dog sits at his side, nudging her head against his knee.

Jacob settles on having plain herbal tea and there is a moment of silence between them as it steeps.

"I thought you didn't like me much, that I made you nervous." Jacob suddenly speaks up and Rook, grabbing two random mugs, almost freezes for a moment, before she turns and sets the mugs down on the kitchen isle.

Jacob doesn't look judging and gives her a small shrug when she looks at him. "Not that I blame you or anything."

He says it with a bit of an self-depreciating tone and Rook finds it has no business being in his voice. Especially not since he actually never did anything wrong. Not in this life, not to her or anyone else. Hell, he's been nothing but helpful and nice ever since she asked him if he had a dog for her.

"I've been working through some stuff, recently." Rook ends up saying slowly, as she moves to place the teapot beside the mugs. "It has nothing to do with you, personally." Not really, at least. She can't blame him for actions from another life, as hard as it is to work through the memories.

It's only then that she realizes she picked the weirdest mugs she owns for them to drink from. One has an ugly-ass, drawn dog on it, with huge cross-eyed eyes demanding coffee while kind of looking like it dies. The other is of a plump unicorn farting a rainbow and crushing a bicycle underneath its butt. There is actually glitter on the unicorn mug as well.

She blames her uncle for those. He always gives her ugly as heck stuff for shit and giggles. Not that she complains, she often finds herself laughing right along with him.

"I see." Jacob picks the dog mug and reaches for the teapot as well. She's surprised, when he fills first her mug and then his own. _Where_ were those manners coming from? And just how much shit went wrong in her other life for him to turn into a monster? Rook honestly, really, doesn't want to know.

"She's being helpful with that?" Jacob asks, sounding casual as he sets the teapot down again and glances at Pretty. It takes her a moment to realize that he's asking if her dog is helpful with working through her issues.

Rook wets her lips. "Yes, very much so." She answers, voice a bit quieter than she meant it to be.

They sip their tea in silence and Rook finds that it isn't uncomfortable. She never expected to share tea with Jacob and for it to feel companionable on top of that. It feels like there is some kind of understanding between them and Rook honestly just gives up trying to make sense of things.

Maybe, she thinks, maybe it's time for her to start and put her other life to rest. For her to work through it and all the things she brought over to this time when she died.

Jacob sips his tea and keeps petting Pretty, who leans her head against his thigh. In the end, Rook finds she has a question she wants to ask. Setting her mug down, Jacob's gaze snaps to her, attentive and waiting for her to speak.

"I've wondered, where do your dogs come from?" She asks him.

It's so much easier meeting his eyes when there is no broken violence lurking just below his skin and he doesn't look like he lost himself a long time ago and like a part of him wants to see her break. Like his soul never made it back to his heart and it ended up mangled and bleeding. 

This Jacob looks like he's found his path in life, along with some peace and his attention just focuses on her, nothing more. There is nothing cutting and calculating to him, nothing that makes her feel like she has to hide her heart and herself and hope to god she survives him.

"I take the dogs in no one wants." Jacob says and there is a slight tightening of his fingers around the mug. "Sometimes I get a litter of pups that were left on the side of the road. Sometimes I take in dogs that are said to be ruined. They usually aren't. I get some rescue dogs as well, at times even from all over the country."

Rook nods, face serious. "It's good they have a home with you." She says and it feels like such a weak way of saying that shit, he sound so damn kind.

Jacob shrugs. "Working with dogs makes me happy, so it's no skin off my back. And I'm good at it."

His hand rests on Pretty's head and Rook has the sneaking suspicion that working with dogs doesn't only makes him happy, he loves it. 

She nods to her dog. "Does she have a story?"

Jacob glances at Pretty for a moment, scratching lightly along the top of her snout, almost all the way to her nose and Pretty closes her eyes at that.

"She actually was left on the property with two other dogs over night, they were tied to a fruit tree. She was pretty young, half a year old, the doc said, and all three of them were rail thin." He pauses for a moment to inhale a bit more deeply and then keeps talking. "John managed to track the fuckers down who left them like that."

Rook feels somewhat impressed by John. Then she remembers how he always managed to track her down as well in her other life, whenever he send out his people. Now though, something about John driving those people out of hiding makes her feel satisfied.

"Good." Rook finds herself saying, glad for John's persistence for once. The look on Jacob's face tells her he agrees. Then he takes the last sip of his tea and sets the mug down.

"Thanks for the tea, but I should get going." He gets up and Rook accompanies him to the door, along with Pretty.

He leaves after wishing her a good day and drives off with one last nod in her direction, once he's behind the wheel. It's only when Rook closes the door, that she realizes she's been wearing her sleep clothes all the while.

It's an oversized shirt with the words "Ain't need no prince, I'll get my own damn horse" printed on it and pink pajama bottoms with dozens of red, plump and happy looking tiny dragons. That certainly could have been more embarrassing.

Well, everyone has their own style. Jacob is the lumberjack and she's the one with the weird stuff. Besides, it's clear that when it comes to fashion sense, John's got them beat all the way to Sunday and back anyway. And he got his good looks going for him on top of that.

Rook looks at Pretty and announces: "I'm making pancakes. Calling John fashionable and pretty in my head calls for pancakes, don't you agree?"

Pretty looks confused by what she says, but is happy to be addressed all the same. Rook feeds her and opens her fridge. Just after collecting all the ingredients, she grabs her phone and asks her friends if anyone wants to come over.

An hour later, she has Sharky and Hudson sitting at the kitchen isle, with Nick and Kim arriving a few minutes later. Kim looks heavily pregnant nowadays and Nick sheepishly says she had a craving. They greet her with hugs and Rook's so, so very happy, that she could build up just as strong friendships with them as in her other life.

Rook is happy to have all of them here, as she makes and flips pancakes. Sharky, after eating his fill, says he can flip them perfectly and actually proceeds to do so. From then on, he hums and sings a song as he mans the stove. Rook sits there with a smile, talking with her friends and feeling like she belongs, right here, in this moment.

Two hours later, after Sharky has left and Hudson went to go to the market before all the good stuff is sold out, Kim's water breaks.

Rook is once more the one to drive them and she floors it as much as she dares to. It's just as exciting and unexpected and somewhat frightening as in her other life, though this time at least, there are no burning planes and other mad things happening. They arrive perfectly well at the clinic and then Kim is rushed off, clutching onto Nick's hand, who yelps and brushes her hair back with his free hand at the same time.

Rook sticks around, quietly giddy and happy for them. Though, she does startle, when, half an hour later, John Seed shows up. His steps are measured but long and he stops by the nurse manning the front desk, pretty much demanding to know how Kim's doing.

He's told to go to the waiting room if he wants to stay and with a few last words he does, settling in one of the cheap plastic stairs, clothes immaculate as always and starts texting someone. His gaze snaps up a moment later and his blue eyes meet hers.

"Deputy, hello." He says and leans back in the chair with the sort of air that lets her know he could own the place if he wished to. Then he shifts, breaking his confident pose, because those chairs might be for sitting, but reclining into them you could not.

"Mr. Seed." She greets him back and he huffs.

"John is entirely fine, unless you want to make an appointment." He tells her, looking back at his phone and smiles briefly, pleased at what he sees. Then he looks at her again, eyes attentive and appraising.

"I take it you drove Kim and Nick?" He asks and she nods, glad to find that her heart isn't picking up an anxious pace at being in one room with him. If anything, she's staying rather calm, aside from the whole nervousness of the situation itself.

They don't say anything else to each other and John returns to texting, though he fiddles around a bit too much to entirely pretend he's as cool as a cucumber. At some point, he gets up for a quick call, before he's back in his plastic chair, looking kind of out of place.

Then Nick shows up and Rook doesn't miss how both John and she get up at the same time, though John manages to look like he isn't waiting for news and didn't spent the whole time glancing at the door leading away from the waiting room.

Nick stops before them, looking tired, but he grins wide and happy and Rook finds herself smiling back, tension easing out of her. This life is so different, the fear that anything could happen to the baby had nestled into the back of her mind sometime after John showed up.

"Come on you two, Kim wants to see you and I want you to meet my daughter." He says, briefly rubbing at the hand Kim had held. The lopsided grin remains on his face.

They follow him to Kim's room and she looks exhausted but happy, her eyes bright and she holds her baby, bundled in a pink blanket. She waves both Rook and John over and there is the same look of love and wonder on Nick's face, directed at both his wife and their daughter. Their little baby girl looks just as wonderful as Rook remembers.

Rook is still smiling at the little one, when Kim speaks up. "John, Rook, meet your goddaughter."

Rook is stunned silent and John at her side, appears to be struck speechless as well, something she suspects is about as rare as a lunar eclipse. Involuntarily, she glances at John at her side, who meets her gaze. Something passes between them, something Rook isn't sure about, because she doesn't know him in this life, only has memories of who he was back when he was a herald of Eden's Gate. Back when Nick would have rather shot him in the face than name him godfather.

Then John looks back at Kim and his voice is a bit quieter when he speaks. "Are you two sure?"

Nick grins at him and clasps a hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing it. "Absolutely, man. You and Rook are great. You'll be great for her, too."

Rook reaches out and Kim takes her hand, giving it a squeeze and smiling at her and then at John, warm and sure.

"Well then." John says, close to flippantly, like that's it, but his gaze is back on the baby, soft in a way Rook would never have thought he could ever be. "That settles it."

Rook gently squeezes Kim's hand, unable to find the right kind of words for the incredible honor she's been given. Kim and Nick don't seem like they need any words though, just smiling at both of them like this is exactly where they want to be, and they're who they want to have at their sides.

Rook is once again fiercely glad she's here, in this life, that she gets another chance to be with these amazing people. It feels like it warms her heart all the way to her soul. Even John, quiet at her side, stopped bothering her and her hands stopped tingling oddly in his presence.

~*~

In all honesty, Rook kind of didn't expect to see Jacob again soon. Yet, a week after the baby has been born, she sees him at the local market.

Actually, all the Seeds are here. John's inspecting fruits and vegetables like he's looking for the most prized ones and Joseph is talking with the farmers. Jacob trails after them, like he's both entirely content to spend time with them like this and like he watches over them at the same time. He's also stopping to talk with another veteran, giving the man a grin that crinkles the corners of his eyes.

Rachel is looking through the displayed goods, showing John things then and again. At times he nods, at times he shakes his head, saying something Rook can't hear. It's so damn domestic and it clashes so horribly with the memories in her head, that Rook, for a moment, has to take a breath before she pushes her old life to the back of her mind again. Then, she resolves to just keep on shopping.

She really needs to too, because between work, her dog and helping out with the baby for a few hours, she didn't get to buy any groceries and her fridge is empty enough that she was startled when she looked inside this morning.

John has been by Nick and Kim's as well, though she hasn't met him. He brought over gifts that Rook is sure have cost quite a bit. There are the fluffiest blankets in existence for the baby, a number of toys and he even got the little girl tiny sunglasses that she can use once she's old enough.

Rook ignores the way her stomach rumbles, since she didn't have anything for breakfast, due to her fridge being, well, empty aside from two lemons and a jar of marmalade. Rook feels like she should be better at this whole adult business, along with the added fact that in another life, she helped fight a cult rather successfully.

Maybe she left all her competency in her other life.

She's busy enough picking out the right kind of apples, that she only notices John walking up to the stand when he comes to stop a few steps away from her. She looks up and their gazes meet. He gives her a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, but ever since they were both named godparents to a wonderful baby girl, he's been doing his best to at least be polite to her.

"Good morning, Deputy." He greets and he still says the last word like he did in her other life. This time around though, she doesn't mind. If she's honest, she starts to not mind him either.

"Morning, John." She greets back and he returns to inspecting the apples.

Her gaze involuntarily slips to the rest of his family and she meets Joseph's gaze.

"Good morning." Joseph greets her as well, his white button-down only done up to his breastbone, leaving a bit of tanned skin exposed. There are hints of tattoos visible and Rook vaguely remembers that he has something like birds inked under his collarbones.

He's wearing the same yellow glasses, along with black pants. It's the most laid-back he's been dressed, aside from forgoing his shirt completely in her other life. In this one, Joseph hasn't run around topless so far. And with summer nearing its end and the coolness of autumn slowly setting in, doing that probably wouldn't be all that advisable either.

"Good morning, Joseph." Rook returns and Joseph then greets the farmer at the apple stand as well.

Since Jacob steps up behind John now, Rook ends up meeting his gaze too and gives him a nod in greeting. At this point, she might as well say hello to all of them. Jacob returns the nod and surprises her with giving her a small smile, that she finds herself returning.

Rachel gives her a small wave in greeting, wearing a sundress in a soft, light yellow color and shortly after that, the family moves on.

"You buying anything, sweetheart?" The farmer of the apple stand, an elderly lady, asks her with a smile and Rook quickly picks out the rest of the apples she wants.

By the time she's finished her round, she's laden with bags, but it's nothing compared to Jacob. The Seed family leaves at the same time she does and while all of them carry bags, Jacob looks like he took the most of them.

Their car is even parked right besides Rook's and there is a round of nods exchanged. Rook resolves to actually say something to them the next time in parting. She doesn't want to keep bopping her head at them like she doesn't know what words are. They all have their purchases stowed away swiftly and drive off in their respective cars.

Rook feels a bit surreal by the whole thing as she heads home. She carries everything in and cards her fingers through Pretty's fur, her mind miles away. When a cold, wet nose presses against the side of her hand, she startles out of her thoughts.

"Yeah, you're right." Rook murmurs, tracing the shape of one of Pretty's ears. "No point in thinking about a life that's over, especially when this one is so different too."

Her dog just patiently looks at her and Rook decides to use her free day in a way she hasn't in a while. Lazing around.

After eating a quick breakfast, she selects a TV show and stretches out on the couch. Pretty lies down on top of her, coming close to almost crushing the air out of her. But it's still fine, so, three episodes in, Rook finds herself falling asleep.

She wakes to a once again grumbling stomach and just in time to see Sharky taking a photo with a grin. It's then that Pretty jumps off the couch, effectively pushing any breath out of Rook's lungs, to greet her self-appointed dog-uncle.

Hudson and Pratt are also over, grinning innocently at her. Rook wonders how her friends found out about the spare-key hidden under a stone outside, right beside the stairs and why they thought it meant they could just barge in whenever. Once she can breathe again, she decides that she loves them anyway and doesn't mind in the least.


	4. Chapter 4

Rook, deciding to take a hike with Pretty one afternoon, doesn't expect to become entirely and utterly, horribly lost.

She actually just wanted to go and walk for two or three hours, enjoy a day of sunshine after a rather rainy autumn week and go to a river she could remember being in the nearby woods. Rook wanted to see if Pretty liked water and if yes, if she felt like going for a splash.

She never found the river in the first place. She had been banking on her memories from another life and vaguely remembers some of the maps she looked at. Rook had been confident she'd be fine.

Now the sun is setting and it's starting to worry her. Pretty looks tired by now too and, bad luck of bad lucks, her phone died some time ago, when Rook was still rather certain she'd find her way back without trouble on her own eventually.

Rook vividly remembers getting attacked by wildlife in another life and seriously, that is one experience she wants to spare herself this time around. At least, she left the undergrowth behind and is now picking her path more easily around the trees.

Rook has tried to find a clearing on a hill, or just a hill that was free of trees, to see if she could spot any houses, a street or, now that it gets dark, lights, but for once, that doesn't happen. She kind of remembers there being more breaks in the woods, back when she looked for more outposts to free or just evaded the Peggies. Maybe that's another difference in this life. A lush forest a that seems to have swallowed the hillsides entirely.

And it's not like Rook would be all that concerned about sleeping outside. But it's autumn now and the nights get cold and she isn't sure, with her rather thin jacket, how well she'd deal with that. There certainly is already a chill settling all around her and it's not even fully dark yet.

She's thirsty and hungry on top of that, though she can ignore it for now. Pretty at least isn't thirsty, not after finding a pond to drink from one or two miles back. And while she clearly starts to wear down, she's still keeping up without trouble, ears perking whenever she hears something.

Rook really, really wants to just go home, or find someone who can tell her how to get back. Maybe, if fate feels like having mercy on her, she'll even find someone who's kind enough to drive her and Pretty back to their home. She feels like going to sleep for two days or something.

Not that Rook can do that, she has work tomorrow. If she doesn't make it back, at least she can count on her friends and boss to send out a search party. She won't live the embarrassment of getting lost down for a long time, maybe for forever, but right now, she doesn't care. Let the whole county laugh at the deputy walking circles in the forest, she just wants to go home.

It gets really cold now and harder and harder to see, the more night stretches out. Soon enough, Rook probably has to stop, if she doesn't want to fall down a ditch and break something. Or she needs to walk really, really slowly, always keeping Pretty at her side so nothing happens to the dog either.

She really hopes no cougar or bear finds them. Or a wolverine, ferocious little beastly monsters that they are.

So when Rook sees another figure ahead of her after walking downhill again, just barely visible, a dark shape moving among dark trees, she feels like kissing someone. She calls out and the person stops and Pretty perks up, wagging her tail. It's only when she catches up to the person, that she realizes it's Jacob Seed.

His sight stuns her for a moment, because it heavily implies she's close to their ranch. If they're really close enough to Seed property for Jacob to wander around in the almost near dark, how far did she walk? Miles upon miles, if you ask her legs.

"I got lost." She says, feeling somewhat helpless and foolish, squinting at Jacob in the dark. If he looks surprised, she couldn't possibly see it. His expression is kind of hard to make out with so little light. "Do you know how I can get back?"

"Sure thing, Deputy. Come with me." He says after a second of, most likely surprised, silence. "We're close to the ranch and you shouldn't walk in the forest in the dark anyway."

Rook nods and for once, doesn't care about going to the ranch or ending up close to the Seeds. She's tired and hungry and two shades of sweaty despite the cold of the night, that's steadily seeping into her. She's also sure there are still leaves and bits of tiny, dry twigs all over her.

In short, she's tired, feels faintly gross and wants to sit down and not get up again.

Jacob, she notices then, has two dogs with him. Pretty seems to know them, since she doesn't do more than exchange a sniff and if Rook isn't wrong, one of the dogs looks like it's missing a leg, hobbling along as Jacob leads them down a trail.

And it really is a trail, finally, after spending hours fighting her way through the undergrowth and doing her best to drag tired, aching feet over all kinds of protruding roots, there is finally a path again.

Rook doesn't remember having that much trouble with traveling the wild in her other life. Maybe she got soft. Maybe the exhaustion never really registered back then, what with the constant threats and all.

Jacob is quiet, only speaking to warn her of holes in the ground or branches crossing into their path. Soon enough, just as it gets so dark that Rook couldn't see anything anymore, the forest a pitch-black mess with a few stars peeking through canopy of the trees, there is some light again.

She exhales with relief as the ranch of the Seeds comes into view. It's still quite a bit away, but it's there and she really hopes they'll arrive before she starts to shiver. Her jacket is too cold for a night like this. Though, considering she hadn't meant to get lost for what feels like half a day, it would have been enough to keep her warm while the sun was still up.

By the time they reach the main house of the ranch, Rook has to consciously keep her feet from dragging. She waits as Jacob returns the two dogs to the kennels - and yeah, one is missing a hind leg and the other misses one eye, but they're happy and lick his hands and they're the most adorable dogs she's ever seen. Aside from Pretty, Pretty always takes the first place by default.

"How long were you out there?" Jacob asks, as he leads her into the house through a door at the side. 

Behind the door is a room with dirty boots and tough, rain-proof jackets hanging on hooks. There are some towels as well and Rook realizes it's a room meant to leave dirty outerwear behind, while Jacob shrugs out of his jacket. It's thicker than hers and she sure as hell isn't going to give hers up, no matter how dirty it might be from keeping her as safe as possible from the undergrowth.

"I left close to two pm, I think." Rook answers when Jacob slips out of his boots. She's about to do the same before thinking better of it. Someone will speak up if she's supposed to take them off and the thought of having to put them on again later is just tiring right now.

Jacob pauses and their eyes meet. "You were out there for nine hours?"

Nine? It sure as hell felt longer. Rook shrugs. He already knows she got lost, there is nothing else she can add to it. 

"Why didn't you call someone? We have good reception, you should have been able to do so at some point." He asks her and she forces down a grimace.

"My battery died an hour or two after I got lost."

Jacob stares at her for another second and then shakes his head. "Today's not your day, is it?" Then he nods for her and Pretty to come with him. "Let's get you home."

It's the first time that Rook gets to see the house without hurrying through it or having to knock Peggies over the head. It's also bigger than she realized and certainly looks more lived in. Like John and his family really call this place home.

Pretty seems to know the house and Jacob leads her into the main hall, where, to her surprise, his siblings show up. John and Joseph both seem equally surprised to see her and while Rachel is as well, she steps forward with a smile and extends her hand.

"Hello, I'm Rachel Seed." She introduces herself.

Rook really hopes that things went better for her in this life. She reaches out, and for a second, she remembers another time, another life, filled with nothing but Bliss and a woman called Faith. She tries to shake the thought and as soon as their hands touch, Rachel's eyes widen.

"You're ice-cold." She says and Jacob's gaze snaps to her. Joseph straightens from where he lingers by a door at the side and John, standing beside him, shifts on his feet.

"Do you, I mean we could..." Rachel offers and it sounds so unexpectedly unsure and as close to clumsy or awkward as a pretty, graceful woman like Rachel ever gets, that Rook tries giving her a reassuring smile.

"It's fine, I warm up quickly." She says and catches Jacob eyeing her jacket, like he's only just now really realizing that she is underdressed for the kind of autumn nights the valley gets.

Rook is still really tired though, and all she wants is to go home and go to sleep. Releasing Rachel's hand, she resists the urge to shift under all of their attention and she does her best to keep her back from tensing up entirely.

John furrows his eyebrows. "How long were you out there?"

"Around nine hours." She answers and now both his eyebrows rise to his hairline. Joseph actually looks concerned and Rook really, really doesn't know what to do with that.

She's too tired for thinking about it as well, for parsing through two lives and two different Seed families. Hell, she doesn't know any of them, not this time around, not really. And having her memories lurking over her shoulder, watching their hands and expressions, makes her even more exhausted. Her dog gently presses against her leg and her hand automatically ends up in Pretty's fur.

"One of us could drive you home." Joseph offers in this moment and while John doesn't look ecstatic, he also doesn't seem to mind the thought of driving her all the way back to her place.

"I'll take you." Jacob says and when she looks at him, he tilts his head towards the front door. There is something like a question in his eyes, but Rook is too tired for deciphering expressions and emotions as well right now. 

"Yes, thank you." There is relief in her voice and she doesn't bother to hide it.

"Drive safely, brother. And I wish you a good night, Deputy." Joseph says and Rachel reaches for Jacob's hand, gives it a soft squeeze. She gifts Rook a short, small smile as well, before she steps back.

Rook follows Jacob to the front door, where he pulls on some shoes and another jacket, before he leads her out of the house. He lets Pretty jump onto the backseat of his pick-up, before opening the passenger door and holding it open. Manners, again. Rook doesn't mind in the least, the less she has to do right now, the better, in her opinion.

Jacob is quiet when he gets behind the wheel and waits until they're both buckled in, before he starts his car. Then he reaches over and cranks up the heat before driving off. She sighs as the artificial warmth starts to chase away the cold that's settled snugly long her skin.

Rook finds herself nodding off minutes after they leave. She wonders if she would know better, or maybe it's that she doesn't know anything at all, at least about this Jacob, but Pretty is asleep on the backseat and she's just too tired. Too tired to stay away, too tired to stay alert, too tired to care about her memories knocking against the back of her head and always darkening the threshold of her dreams.

So she drifts off to the soft, steady rumble of the pick-up, her head coming to rest against the window.

A hand on her shoulder wakes her what feels like five minutes later. Jerking awake, the touch vanishes right away and she blinks bleary eyes open. They're in front of her home and the click of an opening seatbelt gets her to look over.

"We're here." Jacob says, voice lowered and he opens the door to step outside.

He lets Pretty out, who at his gesture, jumps down from the backseat. Rook is back outside as well by the time Jacob circles around his pick-up.

"Thank you, for the ride." Rook says and gives him a tired, but earnest, small smile.

Jacob nods, somewhat solemn and there is something else too, maybe something thoughtful or something hesitant, but the latter is something she doesn't associate with him...no, with other Jacob. This Jacob she doesn't know at all. In all actual honesty, her thoughts are starting to give her a headache.

Rook realizes she really needs to go to bed and rest. She takes a step back and Pretty is at her side and looks like she's ready to go back to sleep as well. The wood of her porch creaks gently under her steps, the sound familiar after all these months.

Jacob's car only starts back up after the door closes behind her and Rook only bothers to get out of her jacket and shoes. Her feet sigh in relief and then she's in her bedroom and slumps down on her mattress. Pretty is on the bed a moment later and then, after getting the blanket over her and half the dog, Rook is asleep again.

~*~

The next morning she wakes with dog hairs tickling her nose and her body protesting any kind of movement. However, she has to work today and so Rook stands up with a groan. After feeding Pretty and letting her out of the house, Rook takes a shower and feels quite a bit better afterwards, the heat of the water soothing her muscles.

Pretty doesn't seem up to a morning walk and Rook finds herself stupidly glad for it, as she makes some breakfast and her dog curls back up on her dog bed, sighing heavily.

Her phone is still dead when Rook automatically moves to check the time on it or to check if anyone wrote her a message. Right, she forgot to plug it in. She leaves her phone at home for today, charging beside her TV, while she heads to work. Hudson gives her a raised eyebrow, combined with a questioning look when she shuffles into the station.

"Got lost in the woods for nine hours." Rook answers and her friend blinks in surprise and then snorts.

"I would have thought you knew the area better." She says and it also sounds like half a question.

Rook sighs deeply. "Me too, Joey. I was wrong, obviously." She pauses for a moment. "I actually got a ride home from Jacob Seed."

Hudson looks surprised and then furrows her brows. "Wait, how far did you walk?"

"If you ask my body, over half of America." Rook glances up when she notices movement and smiles in greeting when Pratt walks over to them. He looks like he slept well and it that makes her feel happy for him. Rook watches as his hair almost brushes his shoulders now and thinks that soon enough, he'll be able to pull it back or even tie it into a small bun if he doesn't cut it.

Imagining him with the kind of hairstyle that Joseph has, Rook frowns. She can't imagine that suiting Staci.

"Everything okay?" Pratt asks her when he stops beside her, brows furrowed as well. "You don't look well."

"She got lost for nine hours hiking in the woods and got a ride back home from Jacob Seed." Joey summons up and Rook, still tired, motions at her in a 'what she said' gesture.

Pratt stares for a moment and then snorts. "Only you."

His voice has a joking quality though, and she huffs with a smile, ignoring the bitter taste on her tongue at the words 'only you' and playfully bumps her the tip of her shoe against his calf, before he settles down at his desk with a smile tugging at his lips as well.

The day, thankfully, is a rather calm one, with only a few calls here and there and the rest of the week ends up passing quickly as well, with Rook recovering from her stint in the woods.

On the weekend, Rook accompanies Nick and Kim, carrying their daughter, while the couple is browsing the market. They split up for a short time as well, and Rook is happy looking after the baby, while thinking about what kind of toys she can buy the girl. Well, the kinds that her parents and John don't already have covered.

The thought makes one side of her mouth quirk up in a bit of a wry smile, but she's working on her memories, putting bits of them to rest. She doesn't want her memories to do more harm than good.

The air is getting quite chilly, despite the sun shining and Rook focuses on that and the market around her, instead of her thoughts. Nick and Kim return a few minutes later and she hands the baby back to her mother.

"Nick." John's voice suddenly calls out and they look over, seeing the Seed family coming towards them.

Nick grins in greeting and Rook is getting used to that, getting used to people being genuinely happy when they see them or speaking fondly of them. Nick steps towards John, who asks him about going for a spontaneous flight together later in the day.

Rook straightens involuntarily, when Joseph stops beside them. The man smiles softly at the baby in Kim's arms and there is also something sad in his eyes. Right, he lost his own daughter along with his wife in a car crash. At least he didn't kill his child in this life, another difference Rook is only too happy about.

"She looks happy." Joseph says and Kim gives him the sort of proud smile that makes any traces of exhaustion from long nights vanish from her face. 

"She's a real star." Kim answers and turns towards him. "Do you want to hold her?"

Rook has never seen Joseph look caught off guard, but in this moment, he clearly is. Then he lifts his arms and looks almost hesitant. Kim gently transfers her daughter to him and Rook feels herself reel a little at the close to reverent way Joseph holds the little girl. He smiles at the baby and yes, there is both joy and a shade of well-worn, well-known heartbreak, of pain that he learned to live with, in the expression.

"Hello, little lady." Joseph says and the soft crunch of gravel makes Rook look up. Jacob stops behind his brother and glances over his shoulder.

A small smile flits over his face as well at the sight of the baby, before he looks up and gives Rook a small nod, his smile widening a bit. "Hello, Deputy."

"Hello, Jacob." Rook greets back and in this moment, decides that the memories of her other life...can go and fuck off.

This life has, in a way, made the Seeds a lot kinder. Rook doesn't know why everything is different here, why the Seeds didn't end up governing a cult in this timeline as well, but she's glad they're who they are now.

Human and alive and most likely more than a bit scarred, but with more kindness than she sees in a number of other people. Rook actually begins to think, privately and to herself, that they're even somewhat warm people, in their own way.

Nick and John walk towards them and Rook notices how there is a bit of teeth to John's smile, a genuine expression of liking his company and that he's enjoying himself. Joseph gently hands Kim the baby back, as the little one starts to look a bit cranky.

Kim faces the family. "I hope you're all still dropping by next week." Then she looks at Rook. "You're very much invited to our annual dinner as well."

"Wouldn't think of missing it." John answers and there is an amused quirk to his smile.

Rook nods, always happy to spend time with Nick and Kim. "Sure. When is it?"

"Friday, at five pm." Nick answers. "And only bring anything if you want to."

It's only then that Rook realizes she's invited to a dinner with the whole Seed family and, for the first time, finds she's cautiously looking forward to it. If anything, she's interested in getting to know them the way they are in this life. Her memories from another life can take a day off.

~*~

Rook carries a container with baked brownies, when she shows up to the Rye family dinner. She notices that the family car of the Seeds is already parked in front of the house, when Nick opens the door to welcome her.

"We just can't be too loud." He says after greeting her. "Our baby girl is asleep and we don't want to wake her."

"Sure thing." Rook answers and steps inside. She leaves her shoes beside the door and follows Nick into the living room. The dining table looks like it's entirely covered with food and dinnerware. 

Kim greets her warmly all as well, asking her to put the dessert into the kitchen for now and then tells her to sit down. Rook ends up sitting between Jacob and Joseph, which is a position she really, really didn't think she'd ever end up in. Rachel sits at Joseph's other side, with John, Nick and Kim sitting opposite of them.

The Seeds and her greet each other and then there is a bit of noise as the food gets dished out. Kim's cooking is heavenly and Rook knows that Nick helped her a lot as well today, so they'd get everything done in time.

Conversations hold up easily, with everyone being conscious of the baby sleeping upstairs. Joseph talks a bit about the farm and investing in another acre of the forest. Jacob mentions a new dog that he got, which prompts Nick to bring up that Kim and he think about getting one as well.

"I have a few that could fit." Jacob says, pausing between bites. "They have no problems with children, as far as I know. If you want and you pick a dog, you can get them used to your kid and I can train them before you take them home."

That's really considerate and Rook finds that she's curious about Jacob's work with the dogs and, well, maybe about the man himself as well. How his life went, why he started working with dogs and mundane things like what food or movies he likes.

Soon enough, after hashing out some more details regarding the dog, John talks a bit about his job and then ends up discussing something technical about planes that goes way over Rook's head. She enjoys flying and knows how to fix some small problems, all stuff Nick taught her, but the talk about motors and flight mechanics is entirely outside of her field of knowledge.

Rachel converses with Kim and Rook, while she digs in, realizes that she's not reflexively tensing up or staying tense while being around the Seed family. Huh, would you look at that, she's making progress.

"I trust you've settled in well with the community, Deputy?" Joseph speaks up, quietly enough not to disrupt any of the other conversations, but loud enough for her to hear him. His question is unexpected, people have long since stopped asking her that.

"Just Rook is fine. And I have, thank you." Her voice must have betrayed her quiet bafflement, since he looks up at her.

"I know how it is to move somewhere new. I found that I only really felt at home months later." Joseph says and Rook feels tempted to ask him, to ask him why he chose Hope County and just, why in general.

Most of all though, she wanted to ask about things he couldn't possibly answer. Why this time is different, why he didn't turn into a mad cult leader, why he instead chose to help. And he's right too, Rook only really started to feel at home when her friends dropped by whenever they felt like it, when she knew her way to work by heart and started to call her neighbors by their first names. Now that he mentions it, the feeling of truly being home, has only fully settled into her mind and heart a few weeks ago.

"You're right." She says and cuts off the memories of her other life before they can start making comparisons or push pictures and impressions at her. "Thank you, for asking."

Joseph gives her a smile, small but real and there is something relaxed along the line of his shoulders, like his worries don't weight as heavy. She finds that it's easy to return the smile and for the first time, the air between her and Joseph feels at ease. Or maybe it's just her feeling that way in his presence for the first time.

"Pretty's doing well?" Jacob chooses that moment to ask, voice lowered as well and Rook turns to look at him.

"Very well. And we haven't gotten lost in the woods again either." She says with a smile that appears effortlessly.

Jacob smirks slightly at the shared joke. "That's one blessing, I guess."

"I do have studied a few maps since then." She says and then keeps talking. "And if you want to meet her, feel free to come over."

"If that's okay." Jacob says after a moment and when Rook glances at him, he's meeting her gaze. 

His eyes are of a nice blue and there is something in the way he looks at her, that makes her breath feel lighter in her chest. Rook's gaze drops to his hands for a moment. His fingers seem nicely long, giving his hands the impression of being skilled, not just big. 

"I usually don't see the dogs much, after they get adopted." Jacob tacks on and she looks at him again.

"Well, you're welcome to visit." She says, more resolutely this time. "She is happy to see you too, after all."

Jacob nods and there is a smile on his face again, before they both turn their attention to their food again. The rest of dinner passes comfortably and Rook even ends up talking with Rachel a bit. In the end, especially after dessert, she feels like she might as well roll out of the door instead of walking.

Kim still insists on packing them leftovers of their choosing, pressing plastic containers into their hands, as her husband and her bid them goodnight. Rook certainly doesn't have to think about what to cook tomorrow.

"About visiting Pretty." Jacob speaks up when they're stepping outside, the chill of the autumn night greeting them. Jacob's siblings keep walking towards the car, giving them some privacy. "I think it would be best if I had your number, if you're serious about me dropping by."

Rook certainly is and after a bit of rummaging in both their pockets and borrowing a ball-pen from John - which is heavenly to use, seriously, she wants to know where he got it from - she writes her number on a slip of paper, which she hands Jacob.

Then she pauses. "Wouldn't you have my number from when I called you?"

Jacob lifts an eyebrow. "I wouldn't misuse a clients private information, especially not without permission."

And in this moment, Rook feels a small burst of warmth spreading through her chest. For this scarred, rough looking man that has a good heart and never once actually made her feel uncomfortable in his presence - it was only ever her memories of a life already over - and even makes her smile with what feels like effortless humor. Like he's just himself when he makes her feel amused and like, yes, she can relax around him.

The thought alone makes a tingling, warm feeling curl around her heart and oh, oh no, what is she doing? She knows that sensation, has felt it before, though it's been years since her last relationship and breakup. 

She really, really hopes that her suddenly strange heart is going to sort itself out. Besides, Rook honestly doesn't quite know how she went from merrily skipping through the 'stay away from every Seed alive' fields to 'getting a crush on Jacob the soldier'.

"Well then." Rook says and gives him a wider smile, ignoring the sensations of joy in her chest as well as she can. "Feel free to call or write a message."

Jacob nods and steps back. It even looks like he's careful with pocketing her number, which only makes him more endearing, a notion she wouldn't ever have used in connection with him before. His gaze stays on her a moment longer and makes her chest tingle and her heart feels light, beating a bit faster. She could swear there was something like warmth in his eyes as well.

Then he wishes her a good night, voice a bit more gravely than before and shit, she's really, really starting to like that, before he leaves to join his siblings.

Rook turns around and heads for her car as well, wondering all the while about the turn her life took. Seriously, everything's been quite a rollercoaster. Her mind keeps getting stuck on Jacob's smiles and suddenly, she wants to know what he sounds like when he laughs.

~*~

Jacob calls her few days later, while Sharky stands in Rook's kitchen and promises that his cooking today is going to be fiery. Considering he's most likely planning on setting the pan on fire at some point, that's going to be literally. However, his food tends to turn out pretty good, so Rook lets him do as he pleases.

Grace is over today as well and she's eyeing what Sharky cooks, while Rook answers her phone.

"Hello, Jacob." She greets him and there, in her voice, involuntarily is warmth, her heart giving her the impression of perking up in her chest.

"Hello, Deputy." Jacob answers and his voice is still as nice as the last time. He sounds like he's smiling. "I wanted to ask if I could drop by the day after tomorrow if you have some time?"

There is the sudden sound of something hissing viciously and Rook jerks around, back straight and every sense alert, tension snapping alive in her body. Then she hears Sharky's triumphant whoop and relaxes again even before she sees the flames rising from the pan.

"If you're okay with coming over in the evening." Rook answers as Grace comments that the food looks good so far. "I have work and as long as no case suddenly pops up, I'll be back home by seven."

"Sounds good to me." Jacob answers and Rook doesn't know what he's doing or how he's doing it, but his voice sounds like it curls around the words, warm and quiet, just between them. "I look forward to it."

Her face feels unexpectedly heated and she mentally tries to shush her heart and tries to get the sudden, excited tingle in her chest to stop. He's just talking to her damn it.

"Me too." She answers and can't stop herself from smiling regardless. "See you then."

"Have a good day, Deputy." Jacob answers and hangs up a moment later. When Rook glances back to the kitchen and notices both Grace and Sharky are watching her.

"What?" Rook asks and Sharky whistles before he grins at her.

"Someone's getting a date?" He asks, transferring cooked, seasoned meat and the sauce he set aflame to three plates. "From the sounds of it with Jacob Seed."

"I..." Rook starts up, protest in her voice before she stops and his eyes light up.

"You do!" He crows, nudging one plate towards Grace.

"No, nothing like it." She says quickly, stepping forward and accepting her plate as well. "He's just dropping by to visit Pretty."

The dog, who's been suspiciously lingering around Sharky in the kitchen, perks up at her name, ears facing forward and her gaze is on Rook in a second. She reaches out and pets her adorable, wonderful dog, forgiving Sharky for most likely sneaking her food while cooking.

"But you want it to be one." Grace says then, managing to sound smug while giving her a supportive smile. She takes a bite and looks impressed. "It's good."

Sharky preens before he turns back to Rook. "Chica, you so want it to be a date."

She rubs a hand over her mouth and then glances at them. "Maybe." She murmurs, like admitting it out loud is going to make it even more real than it already is.

"Can't blame you." Grace says and then gets a bit more serious. "I like him. He's dropping by the veteran's center rather often and we talked about being overseas and all that. We even went on a little sharpshooting match a while back. He's a good guy."

"Who won?" Sharky asks and Rook takes a bite, giving him an appreciative thumps-up. Grace doesn't answer and he tilts his head. "I honestly can't tell who of you did, but I'm tentatively betting on him."

"A close win." Grace says, sounding both admiring and a bit miffed. "I still want to get a rematch sometime soon."

Rook is just happy that they stopped talking about her interest in Jacob and digs into her food. Her friends, mercifully don't comment on it further and instead talk and throw some jokes at each other. When they leave, Sharky hugs her and then gives her a grin, while he wishes her a great time with Jacob.

Grace slightly shakes her head but hugs Rook too and tells her to have fun, before she drives off as well. Rook watches t hem go, her breath misting slightly in front of her face. Glancing up at the clouded sky, she thinks that it's going to snow soon, sometime in the next few days most likely. Pretty has certainly been shedding all over the house in preparation for it.

Rook goes on a walk with her a bit later, thick coat warding off the cold and she listens as leaves crunch and rustle under her and Pretty's steps. By the time they're back home, returning just before it's too dark, Rook can admit to herself that she's actually falling for Jacob.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally gotten the next chapter done, my sincerest apologies for the long time it took! I also hope I didn't overlook any mistakes (or too many) and that I could write this chapter well enough =)

Rook looks up when she hears the sound of a car driving up to her house. Pretty lifts her head after the slam of a car door and then there is the telling silence of no audible footsteps. This time though, Rook catches the very faint, barely there wooden creak of her porch, before she hears a knock.

She's smiling before she knows it and steps away from where she's been putting a DVD back in its proper place on her shelf.

"Hey." She says as she opens the door and gives up on trying to hold back her smile. Jacob returns it, and Rook finds she likes the way it slowly curls along his lips.

"Hello, Deputy. Mind if I come in?"

Rook steps out of the way and catches a whiff of his scent again, the mingle of clean clothes and the icy air outside, mixed lightly with the smell of the leather of his car. He doesn't smell of his aftershave this time, probably because it's evening already and it wore off during the day.

He closes the door behind him and after a glance at her, takes off his shoes. Rook tells him to hang his jacket up on the coat rack to his right.

As soon as he's done, Rook motions for Pretty to greet him and the dog is happily pressing up against Jacob, getting scratched behind her ears and he holds her big head in his hands for a moment, as she wags her tail and looks up at him with perked ears.

Then Jacob straightens again and Rook vaguely points towards the kitchen. "Can I offer you something?"

"Some tea, maybe. Unless you've started to drink coffee?" There is a bit of a joke in his question, though Rook is sure he'd be happy with coffee as well.

"No can do." She says as she steps back and he follows her, sitting down at the kitchen isle.

"How was your day?" Rook asks, as she holds up the herbal tea with a questioning look.

"Good, another dog was adopted today." Jacob says and gets up again. "Can I see what else you have?"

Rook takes a step to the side and motions for him to go ahead. One of her hanging cupboards is filled with all kinds of teas, stuff she picked up over the years and loved and some teas she drinks rarely. She even spots a pack or two of spicy teas, which yeah no, she's all for some nice spice in her food, but in her tea it shouldn't be. She should give it away to someone who can appreciate it properly.

Jacob's arm brushes hers and Rook notices that she only comes up to his neck when they stand side by side. Maybe his jaw, if she straightens as much as possible. She'd certainly reach his jaw if he slouched.

Jacob picks a pack of tea then. "This one sounds interesting."

It's one of her favorites, smelling like cinnamon and it tastes sweet. It actually reminds her of Christmas and the cookies her family used to bake. Or rather, they still bake them, Rook's just not around to eat them. She should call them again soon, maybe take a weekend off and visit them.

"Did Nick and Kim find a dog for their family?" Rook asks, as Jacob hands her the pack and she takes care of the tea. She knows that Kim and Nick dropped by the Seed Ranch the day after the dinner, to see if they could find an addition to their family. Jacob doesn't sit down again, instead leaning against the kitchen counter at her side, leaving enough space that he isn't in the way.

He nods. "They found one. He's a bit of a young one and he was a street dog before he ended up with me. I'm still training him and they want to drop by every other day with their kid too. The dog's smart though, shouldn't be long before they can take him with them."

Rook smiles softly at that. "That sounds great."

Jacob hums in agreement and turns to face her, leaning his hip against the counter. Rook suddenly feels warmer again, her heart pushing affection all through her chest as she looks up at him.

It looks like Jacob wants to say something and then they both pause at the click of claws. Pretty stands beside the kitchen isle, wagging her tail and holding the stuffed whale between her teeth. Jacob huffs out a soft laugh and straightens.

"I'll go play with her." He says and Rook nods. The tea needs a bit of time to steep anyway.

She picks out two mugs again, though this time, it's nothing as weird as the last one she handed him. Just two blue mugs with nothing else on them.

By the time Rook has their mugs filled and steps away from the kitchen, she sees Jacob kneeling on the ground, playfully wrestling with Pretty. She only notices she's grinning when he looks up, his eyes crinkling and his face getting that roughly charming look again. Jacob gets back to his feet and takes the cup she offers him, his fingers brushing over hers. His skin is callused and there are a few, thin scars on his palms as well. Warmth curls through her chest once more, making her feel quietly excited and satisfied. Especially when he takes a sip and looks pleasantly surprised.

"This is good." Jacob says and Rook notices that they're standing rather closely together. He looks at her over the rim of his mug and she honestly doesn't do more than stand there, looking back at him, feeling happy that he's here.

From the looks of it, Jacob is in no hurry to say or do anything himself, taking another sip of his tea.

"Do you want to sit down?" Rook offers, gesturing at her couch and taking a sip of still rather hot tea. It's fine though, as long as she keeps the sips small enough. Jacob either does the same or has no problems with the heat - her uncle is strange like that, aside from scalding liquid, it doesn't matter how hot something is, he chucks it like it's water.

Jacob takes a step back and walks to the couch, both of them sitting down and facing each other. Pretty follows them, lying down at their feet and stretching out with a long, heaving and satisfied exhale.

Before she knows it, Rook starts talking with Jacob. It starts a bit slowly, since they haven't really had any prolonged conversations before, aside from the dinner with the Ryes. They start with safe topics, Rook's goddaughter, Jacob's dogs and progress from there.

Rook isn't really surprised to hear that Jacob is a fan of oldie music, though she is surprised when they touch upon books and movies and they discover that they both like a good mystery book then and again and haven't read comics growing up.

"I always wanted to, though." Jacob says, somewhat thoughtful. "There was that one comic I half-read, back when I was a kid, but that was it and nowadays there are so many I don't know where to start."

Rook knows how he feels and she ends up talking a bit about her family back home, telling him about some of the shenanigans her uncle could get up to, most of the time with her together and a bit of her favorite memories while growing up. She doesn't ask Jacob questions about his childhood, there is too much she already knows and things are nice between them, she doesn't want to turn the evening to something grim, unless Jacob wants to talk about it.

He does seem to relax a bit at her swerving around asking about his youth. By then, Rook has pulled her legs up on the couch, feet tucked under her and Jacob has one leg up as well, bent at the knee with his foot tucked under his other thigh.

Their knees end up touching when he shifts and Rook very deliberately doesn't pull back. Jacob doesn't either and she takes the last sip of her tea to hide her smile. She's pretty sure his mug is empty too by now, but since he doesn't say anything or mentions leaving, she doesn't mention it either.

Jacob talks about his brothers and sister then, the kind of shenanigans they can get up to and how Joseph once trolled them for a whole two weeks, pretending with a straight face to start his own church and getting John to the point where his younger brother was already looking into real-estate, confused but telling Joseph that of course he's supporting him.

Rook finds herself grinning, despite the way it reminds her of her other life. But Jacob tells the story with such an incredulous undertone to his voice, like he _still_ can't _believe_ his younger brother pulled his leg like that and she can't help but laugh, pushing the rising memories back down.

Jacob grins at her then, pleased and chuckling to himself. Hearing him laugh, the chuckles sounding a bit deeper and the mirth making his blue eyes look brighter, causes her heart to briefly pick up a beat.

She's only half aware of the way she's leaning against the backrest of the couch, entirely relaxed and with her knee still touching Jacob's. His eyes are showing a kind of quiet warmth when he looks at her and she feels her smile turning into something a bit shyer and softer, which hasn't happened to her in a really long time.

One of his hands rests close to her, ever since he moved one arm onto the backrest and she only just now notices that she leans towards it and that his fingertips are actually, lightly, brushing her sweater. Jacob looks like he's about to say something, when she hears a phone ring. He pauses and then shifts a bit away, pulling his phone out of his jeans pocket and looking at it.

"Damn, I need to go." He says, brows furrowing briefly and he looks at her. "I have an early morning tomorrow."

"Don't worry, I entirely understand." Rook says, though there is a bit of disappointment that he has to leave and she gets to her feet. A glance to the clock surprises her, it's almost ten now. She looks back at him. "You're certainly welcome to visit again any time, if you want to."

Jacob walks to the kitchen with her, following her example of rinsing out the mug and putting it aside to dry. Their arms brush again and Jacob turns to face her.

"Tell me to buzz off if I'm reading this all wrong, Deputy." He says, voice lowered and curling around the words like it did when they were on the phone. Quiet and close to intimate. "I like you and I'd really like to take you out on a date, if you're up for that."

Rook feels surprised and then warm and excited and nervous all at the same time. Resisting the urge to shift on her feet, she holds his gaze. He's patiently waiting and not pushing in the least, but not wavering either, quietly and quite not so secretly hopeful.

"I'd like that." She says and then tries to subtly clear her throat. It doesn't work, but she doesn't care when she sees the smile appearing on Jacob's face, showing a hint of his teeth. Biting her bottom lip, she gives up holding her own smile back a moment later.

"The day after tomorrow? We could meet after work." Jacob suggests and she feels something light and tingling spread through her chest, her heart beating faster.

"I would be free at seven again." She answers and his smile turns into a slow, slightly toothy grin.

"I know a good restaurant, if you're up for something local. I could text you the address and we can meet there." He's closer to her now and when did either of them take a small step forward?

"Sounds good to me." Rook honestly hasn't been anywhere else but the Spread Eagle and is glad she doesn't have to offer any date ideas. Well, none outside of walking through the woods and showing him caves she remembers from her other life - though in all honesty, he might even be actually interested in that.

The sudden sound of Jacob's phone ringing again has both of them blinking in startled surprise and he huffs, pulling it out and silencing the alarm.

"Sorry, I set another one in case I ignored the first." He says and if Rook isn't wrong, there is a hint of sheepishness to his voice. If it was there though, it's gone in the next moment. "I should go."

Rook accompanies him to the door and he slips into his thick jacket and puts on his boots, before turning towards her once more. She finds herself standing close to him again. His fingertips curl around her hand, a question in his eyes and she returns the gesture, feels the warmth of his dry palm against hers, the calluses and scars.

He leans forward, slowly enough to give her a chance to pull back or refuse, and Rook tilts his head in his direction, feeling the brush of his beard and his slightly chapped lips against her cheek.

He gives her hand a light squeeze and lets go again, stepping back, a small smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. "See you in two days."

~*~

Rook is nervous and excited at the same time and she never thought she'd end up switching outfits four times, but here she is, finally satisfied with what she's wearing. A nice sweater that's not going to be too warm or too cold for the restaurant and freshly washed jeans.

She glances at her phone when she hears the sound of receiving a message. It's Sharky, telling her to go for it and to have fun. Rook smiles to herself, feeling happy to have the kind of friends she has.

Sharky called her just yesterday, asking how her not-date went and she told him about it, hearing him laugh. Then he told her in mock-seriousness that if Jacob didn't take her somewhere at least half-way decent, she should dump him.

Rook glances at the clock and sees that it's time to get going. Saying goodbye to Pretty, she slips into her boots and puts on her jacket.

As she steps outside, she pauses in surprise for a moment. It's snowing. Slowly, thick flakes fall from the dark sky and land on the ground, turning to water one or two seconds later. Rook grins, her breath misting in front of her face and she hurries to her car.

The drive to the address Jacob texted her doesn't take long and she sees his pick-up parked outside when she pulls up. It seems to be a nice place, looking like most establishments in the Valley from the outside, though when Rook steps in, it's nicely lit and smells deliciously of food. She spots Jacob at a table by the windows quickly. He smiles and stands up when she walks to him.

"Hello, Deputy." He greets her and, both of them moving forward and then pausing for a second, hugs her with a smile.

"Just Rook is entirely fine." She says, pressing a smile against his shoulder.

Rook hugs him back and breathes in the scent of him. She notices the subtle aftershave smell again, mixed with the leather of his car and the way his clothes tend to smell freshly washed. Either he's taking good care of his laundry or Rook really needs to ask what kind of detergent he uses. She feels the brush of his beard and a light, fleeting kiss on her cheek. Rook turns her head just enough to return the kiss, involuntarily smiling at both the warmth curling through her chest and the way his beard feels against her lips.

Jacob's hug is warm, his hands resting on her upper back and he lets go again, motioning for her to take a seat. Shrugging out of her jacket, she does just that. A waiter comes by a moment later, handing both of them the menu.

Jacob obviously already either knows what he wants or knows the menu by heart, since he sets his aside and just focuses on her. The look in his eyes, coupled with the slight hint of teeth to the smile he gifts her are enough to make Rook smile back, before she takes a look at what the restaurant has to offer.

There is still, even now, a small part of her that can't believe she's sitting in a restaurant with _Jacob Seed_ , a lit candle between them, surrounded by nice lighting and the low murmur of voices. There is, even now, a part of her that feels the background existence of her memories from another life. But, she's slowly getting better at figuring out what to do with it and how to keep those memories from disrupting her.

She takes a moment to flip through the pages and when the waiter is back, they both order and return the menu to the man. Rook looks back at Jacob and carefully stretches out her leg until her calf brushes his. Jacob presses back and leans a bit forward, resting his lower arms on the table.

Rook has to admit that she had been a bit worried about having stilted conversations or maybe that she wouldn't know what to say at all. It's been quite a while since she last was out on a date and she can admit to herself that she isn't much of a graceful flirter.

Her worry disperses as, easy as the flow of a river, they start talking. He's genuinely interested in the things she says and Rook herself wants to hear about him. They start with a light topic and end up on how Jacob came to work care with dogs. It started just a few months after he moved to Hope County.

"The two of them were at the side of the road." He says, brows furrowed at the memory with something that is a cold, old kind of anger. "I couldn't leave them there. Though, to be honest, I didn't know what to do with them either. In the end, I took them with me and from then on, started working with dogs. Those two really have taught me a lot. They're adopted by now, and I'm quite happy with where they ended up. But, yeah, they're the reason I started taking in more dogs."

Rook smiles softly and stretches her hand out without thinking, covering Jacob's scarred one. He turns his hand enough to return the hold, skin warm and callused and just a bit rough.

The waiter shows up in this moment with their food and they wait until he set down their plates, before Rook pulls her hand back again. They start eating and before she knows it, they exchange stories, of living on their own, forgetting the laundry and figuring out how to cook. Jacob tells her that his whole family, for years, was incredibly bad at cooking. Jacob actually set their food and almost the kitchen on fire. Twice.

"I'm serious." He says, grinning while Rook tries to laugh without choking on her food. "Rachel tried to help clean everything up after we managed to put out the pan and John was just laughing the whole time. Joseph even put up a cross afterwards, to bring in a better energy or something. It's still hanging there today."

"I used to put salt into everything." Rook tells him. "A lot of it. My friends back in law school refused to eat anything I made, because they said it would make them dry out."

Jacob snorts with amusement. "I had a chili phase. Just threw it into everything, omelets, porridge, soup, burgers, didn't matter, as long as I could add it, I would. John once saw me do it to coffee and I've never seen him look so disgusted." He snickers. "In all honesty, I was just messing with him and it tasted absolutely shitty. I threw it out as soon as he left, but it was worth it to see his face."

Rook can't help the chuckle that escapes her. Jacob gives her a smile, almost a small grin and Rook finds herself grinning back, feeling so entirely smitten. In all honesty, she can't remember if, the last time she dated, she fell as quickly and as far as she did ever since her feelings for him developed.

They finish up their dinner faster than Rook expected, or maybe it's just that she's genuinely enjoying herself and having fun and it makes time feel like it's flying by. Soon enough, a waiter arrives with their check and after paying, they make their way outside again.

The air is icy cold and a thin sheet of white is covering everything around them now, spreading over roofs and the sidewalk, turning to wet mush where cars have driven. The flakes fall still thickly and slowly and Rook takes a step to the side when Jacob leaves the restaurant after her. For a moment, she feels the sudden urge to ask him to go somewhere else. To keep the evening going, to stretch it as far as the hours allow. She's happy, to be here, to be with him and she finds herself reaching out when he stands beside her, his hand meeting hers. They're both not wearing gloves and she feels her smile turning slightly lopsided at the way both their fingertips are already turning cold.

Both their hands carry gun calluses, that speak of a lot of training on the shooting range. His palm feels quite a bit larger than hers and he lightly draws small circles with his thump on the back of her hand. Rook feels stupidly happy and sappier than she did in quite a while. It almost makes her laugh, though from the way the small smile keeps staying on Jacob's face, she's not the only one who enjoys herself.

"I really liked tonight." Rook ends up saying and just then notices that they both gravitated towards each other. She can feel the tip of one of her shoes brushing against his and her hand stays warm in his, while the other one cools in the winter air.

Jacob's eyes crinkle slightly and his voice drops to the warm curl that keeps his words just between the two of them. "I'll take that as a sign to ask you out again." His free hand comes up to tug a strand of her hair back and his fingertips brush the shell of her ear.

His gaze searches hers for a moment. Then he leans in and Rook meets him halfway. Their first kiss is a tad off and she feels the light huff he exhales and her lips stretch into a grin, making the next kiss just as off-centered, but by then she's pretty sure they both don't give a damn. She feels the tickle of his beard, the slide of his dry lips and a small part of her, one she hadn't been aware of before, uncoils and relaxes fully.

When they pull apart, she notices that her hand had come up to rest at his hip and for a long second, she's pretty sure they're both just standing there, staring and smiling at each other. She doesn't regret a thing and honestly couldn't give a damn about how smitten she might look right now.

A guy leaving the restaurant and almost bumping into Jacob breaks them apart and Rook swears she hears a less than happy exhale from Jacob, as they look after the stranger, before they turn back to each other.

"We should be going, I think." Rook says, as much as she wants to stay. Jacob nods and they both step off the front porch of the restaurant. There is a slightly wet sound as their boots land in the snow and Rook feels one falling flake brushing against her forehead.

Their cars are parked side by side and it's only when they reach them, that they let their hands drop away. The good bye doesn't take too long and while they don't exchange promises to call, Rook has the distinct feeling that they're going to end up talking again soon, either over the phone or with one of them dropping by. In all honesty, she wouldn't even mind much to go to the Seed Ranch.

On her way back, she keeps humming and singing along to songs, tingly warmth still spreading through her chest. She's happy and while it's not as strong a giddy feeling as when she was a teenager, it's no less heartwarming and no less clear and strong. A small part of her that is strongly connected to her memories, still refuses to examine her feelings for Jacob too closely, but she knows that she's falling for him.

Pretty greets her happily when she's back and Rook ruffles her fur, breaking out into giggles and short laughter as Pretty licks broadly over her face. Pressing her forehead against her dog's neck, Rook calms back down and takes a deep breath.

"This is good. This life is good." She murmurs and closes her eyes for a moment. "You know, in a way, I'm glad I died in my other life and ended up here."

Getting back up, Rook heads off to bed. It's late enough and she has work tomorrow, so even though she feels like staying up and watching movies or making popcorn covered in chocolate, she has to get enough rest. Pretty jumps onto the mattress after her without having to be prompted and Rook falls asleep with her dog pressed against her back, radiating warmth while the snow covers the outside world more and more.

~*~

Meeting Hurk Sr again is just as uncomfortable and unpleasant as in her other life - actually, it's even more so. Rook remembers the man well and she realizes that in her other life, in comparison, he had been almost somewhat nice. Because having to deal with him as a cop and not a member of the Resistance that he could put to use? It's a mayor pain in the ass. He's abrasive and somehow manages to toe the line of not outright insulting Pratt and her, while still letting them know he thinks they're brainless fuckers and a damn, limped-dicked waste of taxes - if he were more forward and aggressive, they could at least fill out a form or press charges for being insulted.

It also doesn't help that she's tired and a bit tense today from having a nightmare and half of her just wants to say 'fuck it', sit down in the squad car and call Jacob. They talked yesterday, when he invited her to join him on a hike and she honestly just wants to see him right now.

However, Rook is at work right now and has to pretend to have all the understanding for Hurk Senior and him grouching about a neighbor who, apparently, tries to tell people not to vote for him. They need to write it all down too, because, as Whitehorse informed them, no person should stay ignored and, due to new regulations in their state, every complaint needs to be written down and filed. 

While Rook agrees with the first part, the second part becomes especially ridiculous when they have people showing up at the department, telling them they want to file a complaint against the universe - today is not her day, and when, just this morning, Rook listened to a guy who told her in detail how the universe fucked him over, she honestly and seriously, for a second contemplated making him a tinfoil hat.

At least Hurk Jr. doesn't seem to be sleeping outside or in the garage this time around - Rook honestly hopes he's off somewhere or hanging with Sharky, no one should have to live with his father.

"I mean, that's got to be illegal." Hurk Sr. says with a rough grumble and Rook doesn't need to look at Pratt to know her friend looks entirely unimpressed. He's probably two seconds and another stupid remark away from a scathing or sarcastic remark. Still, they're both dutifully noting down how Hurk Sr.'s neighbor is, apparently, slandering his name.

Rook is mostly sure it's not the truth - she vividly remembers how the guy talked about Adelaide or his son, something that a part of her is still pissed about at him, as misplaced as it is, since in this life, Hurk Sr. never said any of those things.

"We'll look into it." Pratt wraps things up shortly afterwards and Hurk Sr. roughly and unkindly tells them to better do so, he has to run senate after all, before he unceremoniously tells them to get off his property.

_If he ever gets the seat, I'll lose all hope for the people of this county_ , Rook thinks before she can stop herself. She doesn't say anything to the man and just gives him a curt nod, which he ignores anyway, since he's already turning around and tromping back to his house. Pratt rolls his eyes and walks to the car with her.

"This guy." He says with strong, annoyed sarcasm before he sighs. "And now we need to use our time to actually see if there is any truth to this."

Rook just rubs a hand over her face and sags in the seat. She's glad that Pratt prefers to drive and there are very few people he relinquishes the keys of the car to. Rook is honestly not feeling all that good and she's relieved that she doesn't have to pay attention to the road.

"Hey, everything alright?" Pratt asks when he starts the car and pulls away from Hurk Sr.'s property. "You kind of look like shit."

Rook feels the corners of her mouth quirk up a bit. Trust Pratt to manage to let something kind of insulting sound like concern. It's good though, as strange as it may have been to others, she revels in the way both her coworkers and friends are just themselves in this life. Untouched by hurt and torture, alive and well. Honestly, hearing Pratt's sarcasm or cheeky comments these days even makes her happy, because it means that he's okay.

"Had a rough night." Rook answers, a sigh escaping her, before her voice turns dry. "And this guy didn't help."

Pratt snorts. "Tell me about it." He glances at her for a moment before looking back at the road. "If you need to leave early, let Whitehorse know."

Rook gives a noncommittal hum. She rests her head against the cold window a moment later and they both fall quiet. It's something she was pleasantly surprised about at first. Silences with Pratt are rarely uncomfortable or awkward. If anything, there is something relaxed about it. There were a number of drives during the summer they spend without talking much, windows rolled down or with a bit of quiet music playing, as they answered calls.

Now, something about the familiarity of it and it being Pratt who is with her helps her doze. Rook thinks there might be a radio call at one point, but she's half sure the noise was just in her mind. If it wasn't, Pratt answered quickly enough that she didn't really wake up. He only gives her shoulder a shake when they reach the station.

Rook ends up staying until the end of her shift. A call to Hurk Sr.'s neighbor helps settle the case somewhat - the man admits to advising people not to vote for Hurk, but he also tells them that he doesn't do it in a slandering or insulting way. Considering that neither Pratt nor Rook have heard what the guy says to his fellow citizens, they leave it at that. It's Hurk Sr.'s word against his neighbor's and unless anything else happens or something more serious pops up, there isn't anything else they can do.

On her way home, Rook regretfully declines an invite from Grace and Mary May and takes a shorter walk with Pretty. When she falls asleep that night, her nightlight illuminating the room enough to ensure no shadows loom, Rook finally catches up on some much needed sleep, even if her dreams still carry an uneasy feeling.

~*~

A part of her still doesn't quite feel comfortable with being in the Seed Ranch. There are still some of the memories from her other life popping up. Here she dragged Peggies into the bushes and there she snuck in through the window to take down more of them. Rook knows that she'll never forget the sound of them dying. Of breaking necks and thinking about how, at some point, the violence had come to her without her having to actively focus on making herself do it. Just remembering it makes her feel nauseous.

Not that anything in her other life had been okay, normal, or heaven forbid, healthy. She had to survive and save others and there was little space for compassion or hesitation towards the Peggies, especially if it meant getting shot or watching someone injure her friends otherwise.

Pretty presses up against her leg and Rook drags herself away from those memories. She's currently waiting just in the entrance area, since Jacob invited her into the house, so she didn't have to stand in the cold, while he goes and gets his dog. There is plenty to see though, so Rook doesn't feel bored. Uncomfortable, yes, but there are enough things standing around the entrance hall that she can look at.

The soft sound of a door opening quietly causes her to look up in surprise and for a fleeting moment, she sees it similarly reflect on Joseph's face, who holds a book in his hand. Before she can stop it, there is a bit of nerves rising up. Rook mentally curses and squashes it down again. Ever since her nightmare the other day, she's been a bit more prone to her memories popping up and while she was relieved and happy to notice that she's still very much okay with Jacob - more than okay - apparently, she's a bit more tense about Joseph again.

It doesn't quite surprise her. Despite Joseph in her other life actually not being quite as physical a tormentor than his brothers, if she's honest, he was the scariest one out of all of them.

It helps though, she realizes, to see this Joseph in front of her. To see the quiet, ever present kindness and compassion in his eyes, the way he seemed to be aware of everyone and attentive whenever someone turns to him or talks to him. Rook can see how he could start his own church, how people would turn to him to be close to god or to find a measure of healing. Of being sheltered and given hope. That no matter what kind of storms knocked at their doors, they would have a safe place.

"Welcome, Deputy." Joseph greets her and his voice easily carries to her, even though there is a bit of space between them - the entrance area is quite big, just like the rest of the main house. "Does Jacob know you're here? I hope you haven't been waiting too long."

"Oh yes, he just left to get his dog." Rook reassures him and cards her hands through Pretty's fur, calming down further. It's okay. This Joseph is okay. Hell, if Rook wouldn't have the memories of her old life cropping up at the most unfortunate of times, she'd probably quite like the guy.

A part of her wants to get to that point. Wants to not worry about going to sleep, wants to enter the Seed Ranch without remembering the fights that took place here. She wants to talk with the Seeds like everything is okay and she wants to stop itching for a weapon when she goes to sleep - while she stopped having a knife or gun under her pillow, she has a baseball bat close to her bed.

There is a small smile on Joseph's face for a moment. "Then he'll surely be back swiftly." He pauses for a moment. "I hope you're doing well, Deputy."

She gives him a nod, though it's not entirely true. But she's getting there and she knows that soon enough, she'll have shaken the last remains of nightmare and she'll wrangle her memories back down once more. Then she should have a period of peace again, hopefully, where she'll sleep largely fine - if still too little, but she tries to work on that too - and her memories leave her far more alone.

"Yes, I'm fine." She answers just as Jacob appears again. He has an unfamiliar dog with him this time and he pauses for a moment to exchange a nod with Joseph - which is filled with unsaid things, the sort of silent communication that is pretty much its own language, shared between people who are close to each other.

"Have a good time." Joseph wishes them with a brief smile, before he leaves, his steps quiet on the ground.

"I picked one of Pretty's friends." Jacob says and Rook notices that both dogs are staring at each other, Pretty wagging her tail and the other one doing so as well. The dog at Jacob's side looks like it could be a cousin of Boomer, only with darker and thicker fur. "Ready to go?"

"Sure." Rook steps outside and Jacob follows her. At both their gestures, their dogs bound down the stairs of the porch and soon enough, play through the snow together. Rook feels a brush against her hand and she turns it with a small smile, Jacob's palm sliding against hers while she lightly curls her fingers around his.

"If you want, you could stay for dinner, when we're back." He offers when they step away from the house. "We're having pasta tonight, if I remember correctly."

Rook hesitates for a moment, before she mentally wrangles the bits of flaring-up nerves down again. "I'd like to, thanks for inviting me."

Jacob hums slightly and shows her to the trail. They both start talking about their days after they leave the ranch behind. Rook tells him about some of the things that happened at the station and she can't help but give a short rant about the new regulations and all the stuff she now has to file. Jacob snorts, when she tells him that the guy who at first filed a complaint against the universe, actually showed up this morning again to press charges. She's really glad she had taken a short shift today.

"He wants to take it to court." She says with a heavy, worn sigh. "Honestly, where are these people coming from?"

Jacob gives a quiet, chuckle. "It doesn't sound easy."

"Tell me you had a better time." Rook says and sees the way Jacob lights up a bit, before he tells her about his dogs and dropping by the veteran's center as well.

Their dogs jog ahead all the while, looking back at them to check they're both still there, before they sniff at trees and discolored patches of snow. It's nice, really. The forest around them is somewhat peacefully quiet, though not silent. There are some birds flitting around and occasionally, the sound of bits of snow falling from branches to the ground.

They let go of each other's hands at some point when they pass through a narrower part of the trail and Jacob walks ahead until they can walk side by side again.

The sky is mainly blue, with a few grey clouds drifting across and snow crunches under their feet, while their breaths mist in front of their faces. Jacob, Rook notices, has fit his walking speed to hers. And while she's by no means a slow hiker - she certainly learned to be really fast in her other life - she takes a bit of time today. There is no need to rush and Jacob doesn't hurry her along or anything of the sort. He's at her side and talks about potentially accepting a new dog soon.

For a date, especially a second one, it certainly isn't anything Rook has ever done before, but she's actually glad for it. It feels like she had enough excitement to last her two lifetimes - in her case, it's actually literally - and this calm and peaceful walk through the woods is good, calming even.

Rook also has the feeling that Jacob might also prefer dates that don't require them to do something super exciting. He's certainly had enough happening in his life as well.

"Look." Jacob says, after they hiked up a bit further and when they reach a clearing that grants them a view over the valley. Rook follows his nod and stills in surprise.

It's gotten late enough that the sun starts to set, coloring the undersides of the clouds in paler and deeper yellows. The snow is slightly glistening in the light and Rook doesn't know why, but for a moment, for one long, deep inhale, there is a strong sense of peace. For this one moment, everything feels okay and when she exhales, she feels like, at least for now, her worries have shrunk and she's back in control of them. 

"This is one of my favorite trails." Jacob says quietly. Looking out over the Valley, the slowly growing shadows and colored sky, Rook can see why.

The moment is broken a few seconds later when Jacob's dog tumbles through the undergrowth in a white cloud, panting happily and pausing for a moment to shake snow off his back. Pretty jogs up to them as well, bits of snow clinging to her as well. Rook can't help the short, light snort that escapes her and Jacob grins at the dogs as well. He bends down for a moment to pat the last traces of snow from his dog's back and then nods down the trail.

"We should head back again, before it gets too dark." He suggests and offers his hand again. Rook takes it and they start walking again.

Rook glances back at the view of the sunset, snow covered valley, before they're surrounded by trees once more and only glimpses of the sky can be seen. They both do walk a bit faster now. Rook doesn't want to return in total darkness and Jacob seems to feel the same way.

"The best trails are in the mountains." Jacob speaks up and Rook involuntarily remembers running through the Whitetail Mountains in her other life, the blissed up Judges and Eli - gods Eli, what happened to him is something she knows she won't ever quite forgive herself for, she can't forget his trust and help and how it was repaid in the end.

"Especially in summer." Jacob continues and his voice draws her out of her memories, letting them sink back into the back of her head from where they had risen. "I wouldn't quite recommend some of those paths in winter."

With all the ice that's often under snow, Rook entirely agrees. When she asks, Jacob tells her about the trails he likes to go on and a few she could visit even now in winter.

"If you want, we can drive up to the mountains on a free day. If we leave early enough, we have a couple of hours without it getting dark." He offers.

"I'd like that." Rook answers and when he glances at her, she finds herself smiling. Seeing the small, though no less genuine and quietly warm smile he gives her in return, Rook feels affection for him curling through her chest.

Looking away, her eyes land on a snow bank close by. "There is also one thing I do want to do as long as it's winter."

Jacob gives her a questioning look and she feels a grin breaking out over her face. "A snowball fight."

He looks surprised for a moment, before he laughs. It's a bit rough, like he doesn't do it often and it's far from the deep-belly laughs, just barely more than his usual chuckles, but his amusement is still clear as day. The corners of his eyes crinkle and he grins at her.

"Sure thing, we can do that." Jacob answers and his grin gets a bit of mischief. "Especially if we can get John involved. You wouldn't believe how competitive he gets."

Rook actually can believe it quite much and the imagination of John crouching behind a snow bank, plotting to pelt his brother, pops up quite easily. And honestly? It might not be a bad idea at all either. Getting closer to the other Seeds could help settle any leftover unease towards them as well.

"Do watch out for Rachel, though." Jacob says, after whistling to keep his dog from disappearing in the undergrowth. "She's all sweet and nice and in the next moment, you have fists full of snow stuffed down the back of your shirt."

Rook blinks in surprise and then finds herself laughing in the next moment. Jacob grins, looking quite satisfied with himself and Rook lightly bumps their shoulders together. It's then that she notices that whatever leftover jitters she had from her nightmare, had faded. Rook feels calm and centered and there is a flow of quiet affection and contentment in her.

No matter if any nerves pop up again later, right now she's free of them and she takes a deep breath, reveling in the cold, fresh air, Jacob at her side, his hand holding hers and Pretty happily walking ahead of them, pushing her nose into snow banks she deems particularly interesting.

Rook finds herself less nervous about dinner with the Seeds. It might even be fun, or at least nice. She even feels confident enough to think that tonight she might not have to worry about nightmares.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the last chapter! My apologies for the long wait (I think I re-wrote it close to 5 or 6 times by now) and I'm still not too sure if I could write everything well enough and bring things to a round end. Regardless, I hope you have fun reading!

The year comes towards an end in a flurry of fast passing days and snow. Rook spends Christmas with her family and while neither Jacob nor she said anything about gifts, in the day before she leaves, they still hand each other a small wrapped present. His is handmade, a small, carved wooden dog made into a keychain. Rook, on the other hand, got him a mug that has a wolf on it in a sort of mountain-look-aesthetic.

Rook feels somewhat reluctant to leave, right until she's out of Hope County and sees the familiar landscape of the place she grew up in appearing. Suddenly, it's like she can't arrive soon enough and a strange sort of relief shortly settles along her bones and shudders through her chest.

Rook doesn't understand for a long moment. Things have been mostly fine, aside from her nightmares never truly letting her go, but they've stayed mostly manageable so far. Then realization hits her.

It feels like a lifetime ago since Rook last has been back home while in truth, it's not even been close to a year. A part of her, the scarred, scared one she dragged from her other life into this one, feels like it's such a priceless gift that she's finally, truly away from Hope County. That she gets to see her family again. It's a strangely aching thought, that a part of her is happy to get away from her friends and boyfriend and yet she understands it too. Understands that under all the progress, there has always been this root of fear, that something bad is going to happen again.

Another part keeps whispering that, if things were different, just enough for the cult to be born again, she wouldn't be here in this life either. Her family would mourn her, if they hadn't been wiped out with the bombs too. It's a thought she quickly pushes aside. It stirs memories she wants to keep quiet and her chest already feels tight enough without imagining the corpses of her family.

Concentrating on driving, she arrives soon enough and her parents and uncle greet her happily. They're just as happy to meet Pretty and her uncle is immediately taken, petting the dog and Pretty soaks up the attention with her usual, content wagging of her tail.

As Rook is welcomed and set up in her old bedroom, it feels like finally, even the most wound-up part of herself is allowing itself to relax. She's home and in the back of her mind still lives the feeling of nothing harmful getting past her parents. That she's safe here because they always know how to handle anything and her uncle is the kind of badass she always aspired to be.

Standing in her childhood bedroom, seeing the slightly faded color on the wall, the few things she left when she moved out for law school, she suddenly feels tears prick her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she shakes her head. Now is no time for strange bouts of emotions and nostalgia, she's home, it's the festive days ,she just wants to enjoy herself and have fun.

Thankfully, Rook is kept busy enough once she leaves her room. Her mother and father get her to help with baking tons of cookies and decorating the house. Her uncle, considering he isn't fond of baking, is all too happy to leave with his arms full of decorations and set up the last touches. Her family has always decorated rather late and Rook finds herself smiling and singing along to old Christmas songs. And for a while, she doesn't think about anything other than being home with them.

She is, therefore, suitably caught off guard when her nightmares flare up with a vengeance. Her first night ends with her waking up, shaking and scrambling to find a weapon. It takes Pretty to snap her out of it and then she sits on the floor, taking deep breaths and wondering what is going on. Nothing bad happened. If anything, she's finally relaxing fully.

Her second night goes no better, though this time, she can't stay in her room. She feels restless and shaken and picks her way towards the kitchen to make herself something to drink. To her surprise, she finds her uncle awake as well, staring out into the dark while sipping his own mug of tea.

He blinks, equally surprised, when he sees her. "Everything alright?"

For a moment, Rook considers brushing it off, considers telling him it is just one of those nights. She thinks about telling him that everything's fine. But she's tired and still shaken and all she can think of is that no matter what problem she had, her uncle always helped her solve it.

"No." She says and it feels like the word is scraping out of her throat and making her dry tongue stick to the roof of her mouth. Her uncle studies her attentively for a moment, before he gestures for her to take a seat at the kitchen table.

"I'll make some tea. If you want, we can talk."

She sits down and rubs a hand over her face. Pretty pads close and manages to lie down on top of Rook's feet, wedging herself halfway under the table. Her uncle sets a mug down a few moments later and Rook can't help the warm fondness welling up as she reaches for it. It's the absolute ugliest thing she's ever seen - her own mugs included - and Rook can't help but smile at it, gaudy and glittery as it is. Especially since she remembers making it as a six year old for her uncle's birthday.

Her uncle sits across from her and remains quiet, waiting but not pressing.

"I've been having nightmares. For months now." Rook finds herself saying and her uncle's face turns solemn and attentive. "I don't know how to get rid of them."

"Well..." He briefly stares down at his own tea. "I got rid of some of mine with therapy. Others...others come and go. There are some things in my head I might not put to peace for years, if ever. Some things shadow you for life, I think. I don't know, it's probably different for everyone. What happened?"

"A bad scare at work." Rook says after a second of mulling over her answers. "A really bad one."

"Did you get hurt?" Her uncle asks, his brows furrowed in concern.

Rook involuntarily remembers the crash of the helicopter, the kidnapping, the hunting, the running and fighting. She remembers the blood and the bruises, the pain and the Bliss. She remembers the gunshots and wounds left by arrows. She remembers the bombs and how it looked like everyone she knew and cared about died. The sleepless nights and pushing herself to keep going, because stopping meant she didn't know who she might find dead later on.

And while yes would have been kind of the truth - considering her other life - she can't bring herself to say it. For one, she doesn't want to explain why she never informed her family and two, if she keeps everything from here on vague enough, she can hope to construct a believable story that doesn't consist of 'I lived two lives.'

"No." The word oddly feels like ash in her mouth and she hurries to add: "But it was really close and my coworkers got injured."

"I see." His voice manages to sound gentle without making her feel pitied or weak. "My suggestion?" Her uncle lowers his voice, wrapping both hands around his mug. "Talk to someone. A therapist is a good start, and if you have people you trust and they're okay with it, talk to them too. Talk to me, if you want." A brief grimness crosses over his face, before it clears away to something deliberately neutral. "I've been through some things myself."

Just like before, Rook finds that she's too tired to keep swallowing it all down. She's run out of ways to try and fix it herself or trick herself into feeling like everything is fine. Haltingly, she tells him of a few things she feels sound reasonable enough for a 'work accident'. Though, mostly she glosses over events and talks about what aftermath it leaves her with.

Her uncle listens and it feels like he gets it. Like he gets that she doesn't feel safe at times and worries about how she'll feel with the upcoming New Year's celebrations. That he understands the exhaustion that creeps in and seeps through her lungs in the wake of her nightmares. Her confusion and frustration about it. 

Her life is going great this time around. She has her family, a wonderful dog, a great boyfriend and friends. Her job is going well and she gets along with her coworkers. Things are going well, she's _happy_ and yet, her some days, her nightmares wait for her in the dark regardless of it.

"Nightmares can return with force when you feel better." Her uncle says quietly, briefly pressing his lips together. "I thought I did well getting mine under control, back when I first came back. But, then I started to heal, started to feel safe and they flooded my nights again. My therapist says that when we feel safe, our mind deems it okay enough to let us work through what happened." He gives her a look of bone-deep understanding, mixed with the dark echoes of exhausting nights. "It fucking sucks."

Rook can't help the huff that escapes her and then sighs deeply, her shoulders sagging. She stares at her almost finished tea and allows herself to admit that she doesn't know how to do this by herself.

"I need a therapist." She says quietly.

"I can give you some contacts." Her uncle says. "You might have to drive a bit for sessions though."

It's fine with Rook. She just...finally, truly, wants to let her other life go. Wants to be free from it. Or, as free as she can possibly be. Though, she hopes she'll never stop feeling happy and relieved to see her friends again. To have that split, light second of breathing easier when stepping into the Spread Eagle and getting a greeting and a grin from Mary May. To call Sharky and have him answer with a smile in his voice. To hold her goddaughter and hear Kim's laughter or listen to Nick as he rambles away about his planes. To look forward to meeting Jacob and making him smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling and something in his face softening just a bit.

They sit in silence for a moment longer. Then, her uncle reaches out and gives her hand a gentle squeeze.

"You're doing well, Rook, don't worry." He gives her a slightly lopsided smile. "It's going to be okay."

She doesn't quite know why, but hearing her uncle say it makes tension seep out of her shoulders. The little girl in her, who knows he doesn't lie, who still remembers him lifting her onto his shoulders with ease and making her feel safe, believes him. Believes that no matter what the next hurdle is, she's going to come out of it okay.

~*~

Returning to Hope County just a day after Christmas, Rook realizes how good it was for her to entirely get away from it for a while. It feels like she's seeing things clearer than before. 

Her driveway is snowed in and she has to clear it, which turns out to be rather fun. Pretty has the time of her life hopping around in the snow and chasing the shovels full of it that Rook throws to the side. It makes Rook laugh and by the time she's done and can park her car, her cheeks are flushed and her dog looks satisfied with everything.

Her home is rather bare from decorations, since Rook didn't see the point in putting anything up when she would spend Christmas with her family. Still, a few things are scattered here and there, some of them courtesy of her friends.

The next few days leading up to New Year's, Rook stocks up her fridge again and meets with her friends. Jacob drops by as well and after dinner, both of them sitting comfortably at the isle, he asks if she wants to spend New Year's with him. She agrees, happy to spend the occasion with him - even if she can't help but still be nervous about spending any prolonged amount of time with his siblings.

"Are there going to be fireworks?" Rook can't help but ask and for a second, he looks like he's hesitating, as he raises a hand to lightly scratch at his jaw.

"No." He says and gives her a shrug that looks nonchalant enough to be relaxed, but she still can tell he's not quite at ease with what he says next as he probably would like to be. "I don't deal well with them."

Jacob doesn't talk much about the war or whatever demons and nightmares he dragged back from it. Rook knows he visits the Veteran's Centre and talks with Grace and she's rather certain he had or has some therapy for it as well, but outside of that, he's rather quiet about it. Rook doesn't ask either, partly because she already knows quite a bit from her other life - though she does wonder how bad things got for him this time around - and partly because she wants him to tell her things in his own time. When he wants to.

"I don't either." Rook answers just as honestly and gives the same kind of nonchalant-but-not-quite shrug that he did. "They make me anxious and I don't like loud noises."

Not anymore. She loved fireworks as a teenager, though she hated the sounds as a kid. Clubs are something Rook doesn't feel comfortable with either anymore, too many people with too many ways for someone to strike or for her to get away. Jacob nods and there is a slight easing to his shoulders. He gives her a small, warm grin then. He'd been smiling more over the last weeks and Rook finds she loves it whenever it happens.

"Though, I hope you like board games. Joseph drags them out faithfully every year." He says with an undertone of wry fondness and Rook can't help but grin as well. Her family does the same on Christmas, with her uncle gleefully cheating during Monopoly, somehow managing it with no one noticing until it's too late.

"I look forward to it." She says and truly means it. While she still doesn't quite know what to do with Joseph - and a part of her still is nervous and watchful around him - she's getting along with John well enough. It helps that John is still somewhat distanced towards her, if she's honest. Rachel she never spent much time with until now, but the young woman has been nice enough the few times they talked.

Jacob suddenly looks like he's hesitating to say something, before she can see the way he seems to straighten slightly. His fingers start to trace the rim of the mug and he shifts lightly in his seat. It almost looks like he might be a bit nervous.

"If you want, would you like to stay over?" He asks and does another almost nonchalant shrug, that Rook thinks neither of them is going to buy again after this day. "I would like that."

Rook already says yes, when she remembers her nightmares and pauses for a moment. Jacob's gaze is on her, attentive and waiting, maybe still a bit nervous but also not pushing her. He's good at that, at asking without demanding, at offering without pushing at the same time. Though, he's also not as good at hiding that he'd like for her to say yes than he probably wants to be.

"I have nightmares." Rook blurts and finds herself doing the same damn shrug once again. "Sometimes they can get pretty bad."

Jacob is silent for a moment, his eyes slightly darken and his expression turns solemn and thoughtful. When he speaks, his voice is quiet and softly serious.

"I do, too. I sometimes wake up and need to get away, either to another room or to sit outside. Some days, I can't sleep much at all and if there is ever a strange noise in the house, I'm immediately ready to fight. Sometimes, I even go to the cabin in the mountains, when I need space." He's more honest and open about it than Rook expected and it makes her feel better and a bit more at ease about having told him.

"I let Pretty sleep in the bed because she helps." She admits and shifts slightly in her seat. "I don't deal well with noises that let me think there are people around and I don't know how I'll do at your place."

Jacob nods, serious and attentive. "Do you want me to back off when you have a nightmare?"

Rook considers it for a moment. "Yes, I don't think I'd react well to touches after waking up. You?"

Jacob slightly tilts his head. "Space is a good idea as well. If not, I'll let you know or I'll reach out first. Touch is calming to me, sometimes." He glances at her dog and his expression lightens a bit. "And Pretty can sleep on the bed as well."

Rook finds herself smiling as well and Jacob reaches out towards her. She meets him halfway and he holds her hand, palms and fingers rough with calluses and scars. When she looks up, his gaze is quietly steady and seems to gentle when their eyes meet.

"We'll be fine, one way or another." He says and she gives his hand a slight squeeze. A slight smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. "And if we can't sleep, we'll just take a drive to the nearest open restaurant or junk food joint and get soggy fries and glares from the poor sods who have to work."

Rook can't help but laugh shortly, before she leans towards him and he meets her halfway in a kiss.

~*~

Rook feels more nervous than she thinks she should, as she approaches the Seed Ranch. Pretty is with her, as is a container with brownies and her overnight bag.

Pretty senses her nerves and sticks close to her, though she also gives the container an interested sniff when Rook picks it up. They walk up to the door and just a few moments after ringing the bell, Rachel opens. The woman gives her a bright smile, the brightest Rook has ever seen on her face in either lifetime. Rachel looks truly happy, her eyes bright and hair braided back from her face and fastened with a barrette that seems to glitter in the light. Her dress is flowing from her waist to mid-calf and seems to swish like a petticoat with her movements, flowers embroidered along the hem and she wears a flower ring as well, the silver shining in the warm light. 

She looks all prettied up and for a second, Rook feels stunned breathless. This, she thinks distantly, is who Faith could have been if things didn't go spectacularly wrong. Rachel is beautiful and her smile is warm and shows her teeth. What's more, it reaches her eyes and crinkles the corners. Rook thinks it's the first time she's seen the woman really look fully alive and happy.

"Welcome, Deputy." Rachel says and she sounds just a tad breathless and combined with her wide smile, it appears as if she'd been laughing just a moment earlier. It's _nothing_ like the smiles Faith gave her when she dragged her into the Bliss, face full of practiced, gentle charm and eyes calculating. "Come on in."

"I brought brownies." Rook finds herself saying, slightly dumbly and watches Rachel's face light up further, as she accepts the container with grace.

"Thank you. You can leave the bag and your shoes and coat beside the door." Rachel waits until Rook has set down her things, before she leads her through the entrance room - it's almost a hall, really - towards the kitchen and dining room.

When they arrive, she sees Jacob hiding a smirk behind his mug and John giving him a narrow-eyed look, while Joseph looks contemplatively at the prepared food. It's quite a lot and Rook honestly can't tell if they ordered at least some of it or actually cooked themselves. They all glance up collectively when Rook steps inside and for a brief second, she wonders if it will ever cease to slightly surprise her when she sees them all together like this. Domestic and normal. Though, considering she doesn't spend much time with them all in one room, her brain probably still has some trouble keeping her memories form tangling with this reality.

Jacob steps towards her with a quiet greeting. Rook gives him a smile and they lightly brush their hands together as she stops at his side. Joseph then greets her as well and John gives her a welcoming nod. Rachel shows Joseph the container Rook brought and he quietly asks her to place it beside the prepared dessert.

They finish preparations quickly afterwards. Joseph gently dissuades her from helping them and before she knows it, she's already seated at the table, with John straightening something with his fingertips and she feels Jacob briefly brush a hand against her shoulder, before he helps carry the heavy things.

The food really looks delicious, the salad fresh, the mashed potatoes are perfect and the roast smells great. There are a few dips spread around the table, along with a basket of freshly cut baguette to go with it. There is even a platter of cheese and fruit.

Conversations are light and Rook finds herself relaxing a bit when it's clear that as the guest, she won't end up feeling half interrogated. Instead, she's content to listen as Joseph talks about his day at church and John tells them about a client with a bit of an emergency case that he's going to take care of in the new year. Rachel is happy to let Rook know that she's going to pick up studying again and Joseph gives his sister a small, encouraging smile as she talks.

At one point, since Jacob sits beside her, she feels the brush of his leg against hers and then he lightly hooks his foot around hers, giving her ample time to let him know if he should back off or not. She feels herself smiling a bit and meets him halfway. Pretty is slumbering at the side of the room, dozing away on a dog bed that's either always been there or Jacob placed it there for her. Rook already fed her before coming over, so they don't have to worry about her being hungry.

All in all, it's a really nice dinner and Rook finds herself thinking that it might not be too bad, if she took up Jacob's invitations to drop by more often.

Shortly after dinner, just as table has been cleared - Rook helped this time, she would feel supremely awkward if she just stood there like some piece of decoration while the Seeds took care of all the work - Joseph leads them into the living room. John proceeds to pull out an assortment of board games, while Rachel gets Jacob to help her bring a pot of tea and mugs for all of them from the kitchen.

"Don't let him cheat." Jacob calls over his shoulder as he leaves and Rook honestly can't tell if he means John or Joseph. John looks miffed and affronted. Joseph just gives her a barely there, innocent smile and she finds she doesn't trust it for a second.

Rachel and Jacob return quickly and Rook accepts a mug of tea, while Jacob settles down beside her. Pretty, now that she knows that everyone is sitting, lies down on top of Rook's feet. She notices Joseph pausing and him slightly shuffling his chair, most likely so he doesn't accidentally bump into the dog. It's rather considerate and Rook thinks she shouldn't feel so surprised about it. _This_ Joseph is far more considerate than the other one. Not that it would be particularly hard, but yeah, so far, he's been rather kind.

Shaking the thoughts from her mind, she focuses on the game and quickly realizes that while Joseph looks calm and serene, he's smart and quick. John always seems to have just the right cards at hand, as does Rachel. Jacob narrows his eyes at his siblings occasionally, but Rook, due to sitting beside him, catches him cheating. She promptly realizes they're _all_ cheating and she has to bite down on her cheek to hold in a surprised laugh.

The card game morphs into a few rounds of Cluedo, most of which Jacob wins with a slightly smug grin. John bleeds them out entirely during Monopoly - all of the three rounds they play - and Rachel and Joseph defeat them at Go Fish. It's fun, far more than Rook ever expected.

What's more, she's surprised to discover Joseph's quiet but smart humor and John makes them snicker with his dry sarcasm a few times as well - or the narrow-eyed glare he throws Joseph at Go Fish. It really feels like a family gathering, even if Rook can't help but grow attentive whenever Joseph recites something from the bible - and he does find a few instances for it, though Rook has a feeling he mostly does it to either humor or tease his siblings.

Midnight approaches before she knows it and they all only pause for a moment during a round of Uno, when they hear the distant sound of fireworks. It's muffled and quiet enough that after a second, Rook exhales and feels some of her subtle tension easing. This is okay, she's okay.

Jacob's elbow lightly bumps hers and she returns the gesture, Pretty snoring at her feet.

"Happy New Year." John says with flair and gives them all a charming grin, as sets down his last card. "I win."

Rachel groan quietly, considering she almost won too right now. Joseph chuckles softly under his breath, looking relaxed and at ease. It's the first time he doesn't look unshakably serene and instead looks like a man who had an evening of great food and fun with his family. Rook feels surprised at how human it makes him look. How much more...real.

This whole evening has been full of surprises.

"Happy New Year." Joseph sets down his cards as well and reaches out his hands. John easily takes it, as well as Rachel's. Rook startles slightly and hesitantly does the same. Her left hand slides easily into Jacob's, while her right cautiously settles into Joseph's. 

She's not quite sure what to think or if she's entirely okay with touching him, but after a second she decides on seeing where this is going. His skin is warm and shows some calluses as well, though it's not as rough as Jacob's. Joseph says a prayer, wishing them all a year full of joy, health and success in their undertakings.

It's rather sweet, really and she can tell he means it, even as the calm, close to serene expression smooths back over his face like he never let go of it.

New Year's with the Seeds is a quiet and relaxed celebration and now that midnight is reached, they seem content to put away the games again, especially since they just finished the last round too. Somehow, it doesn't feel rushed either. Rook talks a bit with Joseph, while Rachel yawns and wishes them a good night.

John texts someone on his phone and a few minutes later, excuses himself as well. Rook wonders if he's working tomorrow or if he's going to take a day off.

Joseph, Jacob and Rook, by then, stand beside one of the big windows. From this spot, they can see the fireworks rising over the surrounding farms and Fall's End. Bright bursts of color scatter across the sky and Rook lets herself sway sideways just an little bit. Her side leans against Jacob's, who wraps an arm around her. They're quiet as they watch the fireworks, some of them rising in swirls, others exploding into a huge sparkling shower of colors.

Joseph takes a step back a few minutes later, the usual calm, barely there smile on his face. "I'm going to excuse myself. Good night, Jacob, Deputy."

"Good night." Rook answers and Jacob nods.

"Sleep well." He says and Joseph's smile seems to grow and warm a bit, before he leaves the room, his feet quiet and swift. He's not as silent as Jacob, but still quiet enough that Rook has to pay a bit of attention to hear him leave. Briefly, she remembers about their childhood. They all probably learned to walk lightly, Jacob even more so during his time in the military.

"Want to head to bed as well?" Jacob asks and while Rook started to feel a bit tired, it lessens as she feels a bit of nervousness rising too now.

"Sure. Lead the way."

Jacob lets his arm fall from her shoulders, his hand brushing down her arm until their hands meet and his fingers wrap around hers. Walking beside him, his steps are still really damn quiet, but not as silent as when she's across the room from him. Pretty gets up and walks with them, looking ready to call it a night as well. They only pause in the entrance hall so Rook can pick up her bag.

Jacob's room is on the next floor, close to the stairs. Inside, it looks cleaned up. There is a surprisingly big bed pushed up against the wall - Rook honestly has to admit that she thought he'd have a twin bed or something, though it's also possible John forced this at him - a dresser and a filled bookshelf. The only part of the room showing a bit of clutter is his desk, though even the papers there look organized. There are a few pictures in the room, a soft, thick rug on the floor and a painting of the Whitetail Mountains on the wall.

"The bathroom is through there." Jacob says, pointing to a door at the side of his room and Rook nods.

She steps through it and changes, quickly finishing her nightly routine, before she steps back out. Jacob steps into the bathroom then, a faded shirt and pajama pants tucked under his elbow. Pretty is sitting on the rug, watching them attentively. Rook puts her bag down beside the dresser and takes a seat on the bed. She can already tell that it's really damn comfortable and she feels her tiredness creeping up on her again, as her nerves settle a bit.

Jacob returns shortly afterwards and sets his clothes down on his dresser. "Would you mind if I took the side close to the wall?"

"No, it's fine." She probably would deal better with having an easy time leaving the bed, compared to having to climb over Jacob or wriggling down and out.

Jacob sits and scoots back, before lies down and stretches out on his side. He gives her an inviting look as soon as he seems settled in. As Rook follows his example, he lifts one arm and she finds herself smiling softly, as she shuffles closer and his arm comes to rest on her hip. A snuffle makes them both look towards the edge of the bed, where Pretty stands, head lying on the mattress. Once she has their attention, her ears perk and she wags her tail.

Jacob chuckles and Rook can actually feel it with her head resting on his chest. An encouragement later, Pretty is on the end of the bed. She stops for a moment, noticing that there is not enough space to squeeze herself between Jacob and the wall. Looking around, she decides to lie down where she is and Jacob and Rook pull their feet slightly out of the way.

They share a fond look and Jacob settles down again. Rook tucks her head back under his chin and closes her eyes. Everything smells like him, she realizes and she can hear his even breaths. Shifting her head slightly, a moment later, she can also hear his heartbeat.

"Okay?" Jacob asks, voice low and there is a slight vibration in his chest.

She nods. "Yes. For you?"

The hand on her back brushes up her spine once and then comes to a loose rest, warm and steady, like Jacob's front against hers, their thighs slightly pressed together and his other arm somewhere under her pillow.

Jacob hums his agreement and they fall quiet. Rook honestly expected that it might be strange or weird or that she would be worried to fall asleep. Contrary to her expectations though, she feels her eyelids grow heavy. Jacob's breathing is even and while she doesn't fall asleep quickly, a feeling of warmth and contentment spreads through her.

Pretty begins to snore at their feet and she feels herself smiling briefly, before a long, slow exhale escapes her and she sinks a bit more against Jacob, who she can feel relax more in return.

~*~

Rook wakes up and for a split moment, she can't tell where she is or why she roused from her sleep. Then she smells Jacob's familiar scent and realizes that the warmth at her back is him. During the night, they obviously changed positions. Jacob is lying on his back now and Rook has her own back flush against his side, while his arm is still under her head and pillow. It must be asleep by now.

Then she realizes that Pretty is whining at the door and that this is what woke her up. Feeling Jacob shift, she's certain he's woken up too now. A glance to the clock tells her it's barely seven, which is a bit later than the time she usually gets up, but not strange considering how long they stayed up.

"I'll go." She murmurs, voice slightly rough from sleep and she pushes back the thick blanket to get up. Jacob makes a noncommittal sound and sits up as well. His hair sticks up a bit and generally looks far more disheveled than Rook has ever seen it.

A fond, sleep-slow smile is on her face before she knows it and she reaches out towards Jacob. Slow enough to see if he might want a bit of space or not, but he even tilts his head slightly to give her better access, as she runs her fingers through his hair, brushing it back and more into place. Then she gets up and lets Pretty out of the room. They walk down the stairs and she opens the front door, letting her dog out.

Just as Pretty returns after being done with her business, Jacob lumbers down the stairs as well. He looks freshened up and tilts his head towards the kitchen in a silent question. Rook and Pretty go with him and Jacob feeds her dog, before making them both something to drink.

They sit at the isle together, comfortable and still sleep-warm, but definitely awake. The house is quiet, though knowing this family, it doesn't mean much. Joseph might as well be already awake and John could be in his study or something. Rachel might be the only one still asleep.

"Sleep well?" Jacob asks and she hums positively, before giving him a questioning look, silently asking if he slept well too and gets the same kind of noise in return. They sip from their mug, Rook curling her toes up a little at the chill of the floor. She should have brought some slippers or something.

"If you ever want to talk about your nightmares, I want you to know I'm willing to listen." Jacob offers suddenly and when she glances at him, he looks serious. "There are few things I can't handle."

Rook believes him. "I know."

"Good." He gives her a brief smile and takes another sip of his coffee.

"You too. If you want, you can talk to me as well." She says and catches him still for a second, a brief expression of reluctance and the edges of something grim flickering across his face. Rook holds his gaze when he looks at her, as serious as he had been before. "I'm here for you."

At her words, she sees his gaze soften and he reaches out to take her hand. Rook gives his a gentle squeeze and doesn't say anything more. Whether or not Jacob takes her up on her offer or how much or what he wants to talk about is up to him. Just like what she shares is up to her. They finish their drinks in thoughtful silence and clean them up, before Jacob faces her.

"Want to go on a morning walk?" He nods towards Pretty. "We can take her and another dog."

Smiling, Rook gets up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek properly. His arms fall around her waist, though just before Rook can properly hug him back, Pretty nudges her leg, wanting attention and most likely also a walk. Chuckling, they separate and Rook scratches her dog behind the ears.

~*~

Starting to see a therapist is a bit more nerve-wracking than Rook thought at first, but the woman she ends up picking from her uncle's recommendations feels like the right choice. In the beginning, most sessions, Rook stammers and haws and only slowly settles in. She finds that, like with her uncle, she talks about what she fears and keeps the reasons why as dry-cut as possible. It doesn't necessarily make things easier or anything of the sort, but then again, working through trauma isn't a walk in the park.

She lies a few times here and there as well, as much as she dislikes it, but she can't really go and tell her therapist some things the way they happened. So she tells her therapist different but still mostly true things. She tells her that she ended up killing people in the line of her job - true, but never that it was due to a cult. That she has trouble with crowded places and that her nightmares plague her.

Her friends rather quickly find out she's seeing a therapist as well, since Rook doesn't bother to hide it. Jacob she told right out once she started going to sessions, since she felt he might get a bit of her worries and trepidation. He did and told her to let him know if he can help in any way.

The sessions go mostly well, though Rook can't help but feel like she wants to talk about all of it. As if now that she's working through things, she wants to put it all out into the light. Talking of two lives, the confusion, the impossibility and yet reality of it all...it itches under her skin. Words seem to crawl onto her tongue and yet, she swallows them back down. It's with more difficulty every time and she tries - and fails, to be honest - to tell herself that it's better this way. Who would believe her anyway?

Jacob and she start to sleep over at each other's places more often as well, especially since their jobs often enough leave them with only a few free hours in the evenings. Having Jacob around when she has nightmares turns out to be rather calming and reassuring. He gives her space after waking up and sometimes she just falls back on the bed again and he wraps her up in a hug. Sometimes, she feels too frazzled or too uncomfortable after the images in her dreams and he's okay with settling down in the living room with her and putting on a movie.

Similarly, when Jacob has nightmares, she lets him set the pace. Most of the time, he wants to hold her afterwards, though sometimes he needs space and she respects it. There are a few nights they migrate to the living room together too and Rook dozes off a bit later.

After staying over at the ranch often enough, she realizes that they're not the only ones with sleep trouble. John works long hours and she finds out that for him it's not strange to run on four hours of sleep at most for a good two weeks - and he too, has nightmares. Joseph has trouble with sleeping as well and she finds him sitting in the kitchen a few times, silent and staring into his tea or glass of water with an absent look in his eyes. She always backs off before she can disrupt him.

Rachel too, as sweet and happy as she often appears, at times is up at night, watching a movie or getting something to drink. 

At the same time, just because Jacob stays over at her place, doesn't mean her friends stop showing up when they know she's home. Rook has shared breakfast with them a few times or had them drop by with barely enough of a warning for her to let them know if they should or not. Jacob, while slightly bewildered at first, takes it with humor now.

Especially when Grace drops by. They're friends and constantly talk about having a shooting re-match one of these days. He gets along with most of her other friends as well. It makes her happy since they all have their heart in the right spot. They might have their oddities but in her opinion, her friends are absolutely lovable.

The weeks and then months pass like this and before Rook knows it, a whole year has passed since she woke up with two lives crammed into her head. Her therapist certainly helps her a lot, her nightmares become more manageable and she's been getting better at putting bloodier pieces of her other life to rest. At forgiving herself for some of the things she ended up doing. And sometimes, she thinks she's even forgiving the Seeds of her other life for the things they did.

Though, on the very day she woke up with two lives crammed into her head, Rook doesn't sleep well. It's not even like the nightmares are worse that night or like she's recalling something especially troubling. In all honesty, she doesn't know why she's unable to settle back down after waking up in the middle of the night, but now she can't fall asleep again. Can't fully relax, can't stop from shifting and staring at the ceiling, trying not to remember things she wants to leave alone.

Jacob wakes shortly afterwards. It's usually like this. Even if her nightmares don't wake him, he has something like a sixth sense for when she's tense and uncomfortable. Despite her trying to pretend that everything is fine, he doesn't buy it for a second.

"Do you want to go out?" Jacob asks when he seems to realize she can't seem to relax again. As soon as she hears the offer, Rook realizes that yes, she wants to get out. Or rather, she wants to get away. At least for a bit.

They get a few things, though neither bother to change out of their sleepwear. They don't really have to either, with both of them wearing sweatpants - Jacob's carry the logo of his division - and some faded but still fine enough shirts. John would probably very much protest them calling their get-up 'fine', but for Rook it's okay.

Pretty is staying with Sharky tonight, since he asked if Rook would like a dog-sitter, so Rook doesn't have to worry about taking her dog along. Maybe that's what made tonight so high-strung for Rook.

Jacob is quiet and steady at her side, giving her space without making her feel left alone - she doesn't know how he does it and sometimes, it surprises her how well he deals with her nightmares. He drives them somewhere and Rook only realizes he picked the greasiest joint imaginable. As he promised back at New Years, they get soggy fries, glares from the poor sod working the night-shift.

They sit together in silence, Jacob sipping at the cold milkshake he got himself as well. Rook, staring at the glass of juice she ordered for herself, realizes what kind of words try to wrangle their way out of her throat. Her tongue dries and her shoulders tighten.

"Rook?" Jacob asks then, saying the first thing since they left the house together. His voice is quiet and while calm, she can detect hidden worry. She wants to tell him. She wants to tell him everything so badly, most of all, Rook realizes she wants to finally talk about the god-damn thing that is her having lived two lives.

But it's crazy, it would sound like it doesn't make a lick of sense and she...she doesn't want to lose him.

Still staring at her juice, she blinks in surprise when Jacob lets go of his shake to offer his hand. Rook takes it, feeling the residue but fading coolness and slight dampness of condensation on his palm.

"Whatever it is." He says and his voice seems to curl around the words. Something about the way he says it makes it feel like it's just between them, makes the empty restaurant around them fade a bit away. "I promise, I won't judge you for it. I won't make fun of you for it or think lesser of you."

"I'm going to sound crazy to you." Rook says, the words slipping out and something like fear starts to curl around her heart, making her think about backtracking, about not talking about this at all.

She thinks about taking those memories to her grave, of never getting to talk to anyone about this and...and it makes her feel like she can't breathe. 

"Do you believe in...something like parallel universes?" She tries hesitantly and glances up at him. For a second, Jacob looks caught off guard, before his expression turns serious again.

"I do." He says. Rook inhales a bit more deeply. Jacob gives her hand a gentle squeeze and she can feel herself calming down a bit. She really misses Pretty right now.

"What about remembering other lives?"

Now Jacob looks thoughtful with an undercurrent of calculating, as if he already suspects where she's going with this.

"Joseph says there are a lot of different ways for people to end up." He answers quietly, this thumb gently sweeping across the back of her hand. "And that we all carry previous lives with us."

Rook bites her lower lip, nerves now settling down in her gut and making her feel like she shouldn't have eaten the shitty fries. She inhales and freezes for a second. It's not too late yet. She can still turn back, can still turn this conversation into philosophy and probability and whatnot. Glancing up, she meets Jacob's gaze, steady and waiting and, as he promised, without judgment. Her nerves wind up into her lungs and set her heart racing. 

"I remember another life. I died there. I have my nightmares from there." The words feel clumsy in her mouth and she's certain she said things more gracefully before. Her hands feel cold and slightly numb. Glancing at Jacob again, she notices a small furrow between his brows, before she stares back at his hand. "I met you and your siblings there."

There is a small, sharp intake of breath and Rook quickly hurries on: "I know it sounds crazy and impossible and...but it's real."

For a long, heavy second there is silence. It seems to stifle the air out of her lungs and makes her skin feel too tight. Jacob doesn't pull back though.

"Joseph sometimes talks about visions." Jacob suddenly breaks the silence, exhaling as if he's not sure if he should share this. "About us too. Sometimes, he calls them warnings. I...you see a lot of shit out there in the desert, in the fights. I've..." He trails off and tightens his grip on her fingers. "I've seen some things."

Rook hesitantly glances up and notices that while Jacob looks like he's out of his depths on that topic, he seems...he seems to believe her. That realization knocks the air out of her lungs and Rook feels her knees shake, suddenly she's absurdly glad she's already sitting. She honestly doesn't know how she got so lucky or why Jacob truly believes her, but the relief flooding through her makes her shoulders sag and suddenly, she feels far less wired and her stomach settles a bit again, her heart rate slowing.

"My nightmares are from that life." Rook admits hesitantly. There is a bit of a complicated look on Jacob's face for a moment, before it slowly shifts to a sort of realization.

"I wondered about that." Jacob says a moment later. "You never mentioned anything happening and your friends didn't either. Yet, you had nightmares." There is a bit of hesitation in his voice, as if he's not sure he should say this.

Rook swallows. "Yeah." Her voice sounds rough and she quickly and quietly clears her throat. "Nothing bad ever happened to me here. But I remember things and they're...too vivid for my brain to let go of them."

"Maybe..." Jacob sounds reluctant now and there is a brief frown appearing on his face, before it smooths away. "Maybe you should try talking to Joseph. He knows far more about it than I do."

It surprises Rook. She never considered talking to Joseph and in her other life, she honestly just thought him mad. That there was no way this calm, composed and still clearly deranged cult-leader could have any kind of visions or anything of the sort. And even if she could ask that Joseph, she wouldn't. The Joseph in this life though? Maybe...maybe she will.

"You believe me?" Rook can't help but ask and when Jacob gives her hand a gentle squeeze, she notices that her fingers no longer feel cold and numb. His gaze is steady and relief still makes the air feel light in her lungs.

"I do." He pauses and there is a wry twist to his mouth. "Joseph...he proved it, in a way. We don't really talk about it, especially not around other people and I still don't believe in much, but, some things..." His voice turns low. "Some things I believe in."

~*~

The door gives the gentlest of creaks when Rook steps into the church. Jerome isn't here, from what she can see. Instead, she sees Joseph. There is a brief hint in the back of her mind, of another Joseph, with scarily calm and certain eyes, before the flare dies down again. Therapy helps a lot, just half a year ago, she would have gotten a full memory-flash.

"Deputy, welcome." Joseph says and there is the slightest hint of surprise in his voice, before it smooths over into something welcoming. His voice sounds like it could bring comfort, gently spreading through the room. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Rook considers lying, like she often finds herself doing nowadays. But she remembers Jacob's suggestion to talk with him, that Joseph might understand her. It's that, more than anything else, which causes her to step further into the church. She just wants...she wants to talk with someone who might know some of the things she knows. Who might know the feeling of having seen more than is explainable. Who might have answers.

"Could I have a moment of your time?" Rook asks and barely manages to catch the very well concealed surprise that briefly appears in his eyes. "And could we talk privately, if possible?"

"Of course." Joseph seems to notice something about her, since his voice gets a light gentleness to it, as if he tries to soothe her edges. It doesn't make her as uncomfortable as it once did and it doesn't feel as strange as it would have a few months ago. This Joseph is different. He, she can talk to and know he won't try to manipulate her into becoming something, someone else.

"Jerome has left for a bit, so we won't be interrupted." Joseph explains as he leads her to a small room at the side. There isn't much there, but they can sit down at a small table. "We can talk freely here."

They settle down and Joseph turns his attention to her. For a second, it makes Rook's shoulders tense, until she realizes that having his focus on her feels different from her other lifetime. He doesn't make her feel like he's trying to break her apart and set her back together in a way he finds fitting. This Joseph doesn't make her feel like she has to curl around her heart and mind and hope he'll leave it as untouched as possible. He also doesn't evoke the urge to break his nose, like other-Joseph did when he started talking nonsense.

"Do you sometimes have visions about other lives?" The question is out of her before Rook is quite aware of it and for a second, she feels startled. She wanted to ask gentler, ask more carefully, not charge right in.

Joseph blinks and she catches the barest of shift as he seems to re-adjust his weight on the chair. His expression is still calm, but for the first time, she catches something cautious in his eyes, something subtly watchful, guarded and yet...without judgment. Just waiting and maybe, maybe he's the one bracing himself in this moment.

"I woke up over a year ago remembering another life." Rook continues and, only because she's watching him just as closely, catches the barest hint of his shoulders easing and his gaze losing some caution. Realization flashes in his eyes and Rook once again remembers that this man isn't just calm-spoken and steady. He's smart and attentive, has been in his other life as well and there is little one could hide from him, once he's looking and listening.

To her surprise, he hesitates for a moment. It looks like he's searching for the right words. When he speaks, his voice is quiet.

"You met us in that life, didn't you." His voice is soft too, as if he doesn't wish to stir anything. His words barely brush across the memories in her mind. When she nods, his face turns solemn. "I had a few visions of you as well. Never something clear, but I do think we met elsewhere before." There is a barely noticeable pause. "Through violent circumstances."

"We did." Rook answers and somehow, she feels a bit like she's reeling. This is what she wanted, she thinks, and yet at the same time, there is a dull ringing in his ears. Talking with Joseph...it somehow manages to make things real in a way they've never been before. Like she's touching a plane of clear glass that she only ever stared at before and it feel shockingly cold under her fingers.

Something in Joseph's eyes looks sad for a moment. Or maybe, not exactly sad but...something like quiet grief. For what, she doesn't know. Maybe for both of them, for their other selves. For everything that happened then.

"Deputy, if you feel comfortable to talk about it with me, I would be willing to listen." Joseph offers, in that voice of his that has a subtly soothing quality without making her feel like he thinks she's fragile, his gaze telling her he's taking her serious. "Maybe we can help each other answer some questions." For the first time, he briefly looks aside. "And maybe, let go of a few things."

Rook sucks in a deep, slightly shuddering breath, feeling as if her lungs opened up fully for the first time since she came over. For the first time since over a year, the part she dragged from her other life into this one, seems to settle down and eases up. Like it wanted to be addressed and acknowledged all this time. Rook swallows and slightly leans forward. She's going to get answers and somehow, she already knows that she'll find some peace now too. It is strangely fitting, in a way, a voice in the back of her head whispers. That Joseph who started nightmares in one life, would help bring peace to hers in another.

"Yes. I'd like that." She says and Joseph nods, settling in as though he knows they're going to be here for a while.

~*~

"Did you talk with Joseph?" Jacob asks her as they drive down the road the next day. Rook feels surprised for a moment. While Jacob likes to know how things go, he often enough waits for her to start talking on her own. She knows that he's interested in her life and how her therapy sessions went or if she had fun with her friends.

"He seemed...better or rather, more at ease, since yesterday." Jacob adds and glances at her before he looks back at the street. "You, too."

Joseph and her didn't have an easy conversation. They both are used to holding things back and found themselves careful of saying anything hurtful as well. Rook certainly once almost ended up crying, but in the end...as wrung-out as she felt afterwards...there was a sense of peace beginning to settle into her. Rook is certain this won't be the last talk she'll have with Joseph. And for the first time, that thought doesn't fill her with nerves or subtle trepidation.

"We talked." Rook ends up saying, unable to find the words to describe how it helped her. How...normal she feels now, less alone in that freak-incident that is her remembering two lives. Or possibly herself getting dragged over into this reality and melding with her self here. 

Actually, if Rook is honest, she doesn't want to think about the technicalities too closely. It only gives her a headache - and a small part of her begins to worry that if it works in one direction, it might work in another too and she really doesn't want to end up getting dragged into a nightmarish other life again.

Jacob gives a hum in understanding, easily accepting her answer, his shoulders staying relaxed. Rook suddenly feels a flood of affection for him, love twining around her heart and she leans over and presses a kiss to his clothed shoulder. Pulling back, she catches the last moment of his surprise showing on his face and then she watches the slow, small smile tug at his lips, somewhat hidden by his beard.

"I love you." Rook says, grinning when he looks caught off guard again, his gaze falling away from the road to her. Then, to her surprise this time, he whispers something under his breath and pulls over, stopping at the side of the road.

Large, scarred hands frame her face and Rook closes her eyes just in time as Jacob kisses her. His lips are warm and slightly chapped, his beard gently tickling and Rook doesn't know what is different about the kisses he gives her now, can't quite say if it's the way their lips slide together or the way he holds her, but she feels like her chest becomes too small for her heart. Something makes her eyes prick just a bit and she moves her hands up to rest one against his chest, feeling his fast heartbeat under her palm.

They end with their foreheads pressed together, sharing the same breath.

"I love you, too." Jacob murmurs so quietly, if the car hadn't been silent, she wouldn't have heard it. As if he's sharing a great secret with her.

Rook feels herself smile and tilts her face into his hands as well as she can, feels his thumbs swipe lightly over the sensitive skin under her eyes. She's certain he can feel her lashes. More than anything though, Rook in this moment, feels peaceful and at home. It's such a calm and steady sort of love, it almost makes her feel as if it's been here for a long while now, instead of just for the last months.

"We should keep going." Rook says quietly and pulls back, just as Jacob leans backwards as well. His fingertips brush her jaw, before his hands fall back to the steering wheel. He gives her a small snort.

"It's not like the Testicle Festival is such a bad thing to miss." He says but she can see a spark of mirth as he talks about it. In all honesty, Rook still thinks the Testy Festy is the strangest, weirdest thing ever and she's certain that, if her friends hadn't asked her to come, she would have curled up with Jacob and Pretty and enjoyed a nice evening. But, with her friends going and now Jacob as well?

"It's going to be fun." She says with a smile and catches the upward twitch of his mouth, as he starts driving again.

Sharky is already there when they arrive and he looks up from his conversation with Grace and Mary May, grinning and waving. 

"Chica, Amigo." He greets them when they park and step out of the car. 

When he hugs Rook, she briefly notices his familiar scent, a mix of smoke and skin and just a hint of gasoline. Grace, when she moves to hug her, smells like the forest and sunshine, mixed with a hint of her favorite deodorant. Mary May, as always, carries the scent of freshly washed clothes and a hint of her bar, of greasy food and the faintest whiff of cleaners.

Jacob, while not up to hugging them, looks happy enough to see Grace. She tells him about the shooting range of the festival and Rook immediately recognizes the glance of contemplative interest that Jacob now gives the stands and benches before them. She feels herself grin and they follow her friends towards their table.

John is present as well, sitting beside Nick, and while he looks as if he might consider himself too fine for that kind of festival - Rook will never ever forget the way his nose crinkled slightly at the name - she can tell that he's relaxed. He gives Jacob a lopsided grin that even makes his face look a bit lighter, while Nick greets Rook happily.

"I can't stay too long, though." Nick tells her, sounding a bit regretful. "Kim told me to be back in time to help out with our little girl."

Mentioning their baby, Nick ends up telling her about the latest achievements of his daughter. John, who pretends to appear interested in his cheap beer, is clearly listening as well. Rook, for a second, thinks that John might have more baby pictures and videos on his phone than even she - and she knows that because she caught him filming their goddaughter a few times, looking proud of her. If the little girl's first word - or heck, even one of her first ten or twenty words - is somehow going to be 'John', he's never going to lose that look of pride badly hidden behind a bit of haughtiness.

Rook's other friends trickle in after that, with Joey and Pratt looking ready to have a more lax and fun evening and with their company, Rook even doesn't mind the alcohol - it tastes cheap and watery, but at least they have more than beer and she's happy to clink glasses and bottles together.

Jacob is solid and warm at her side and at one point, he gets up to start a competitive match with Grace. It doesn't seem to matter that they end up using sling-shots and rocks or that everyone knows it won't remain at one match. He seems to have fun and like he doesn't mind the crowd as much as he does in other places.

Rook, surrounded by her friends, who mean safety in her mind as well, doesn't feel uncomfortable either.

By the time Jacob returns, she's tilted to the side, giggling until she's breathless. Half the table is laughing, while John tries to pretend he isn't at least amused either and Pratt hides his own humor behind an eye-roll and a swig of his beer.

"The result?" Mary May asks as soon as Jacob and Grace sit back down. They exchange a look and Grace shrugs.

"It's a tie. The stand owner told us to leave, since we refused to take the prizes and just wanted to keep going." She says and accepts the beer Joey hands her with a nod of thanks.  
"A fair!" Sharky suddenly says, sitting up straight with the sort of wide-grin that usually spells trouble. "We so have to take you two to a fair. You'll beat all the games and get all the prizes."

"What would we want with that?" Grace asks. Sharky gives her a look.

"Get the biggest stuffed animals? Do you know how often I always try to win them? It's impossible!"

"The games are rigged." John says, leaning against the table with a sort of graceful ease.

Sharky frowns slightly and then looks thoughtful. Rook mentally already notes down that they're going to visit a fair at one point - if it's not too crowded, she thinks she wouldn't mind. Jacob leans towards her.

"I was winning, by the way." He says and there is an undercurrent of proud smugness in his voice. Rook can't help but grin and she tilts her head back to look up at him. Jacob is smiling too, she can tell.

Nick has to leave soon after. Or rather John pointedly reminds him and Nick mournfully says his goodbyes, promising to stay longer once his daughter is older - Rook is very certain he won't and at one point, he'll be the one staying at home and waiting up for her to come back after an outing - before he leaves with John. Jacob exchanges a few, quick words with his brother and then waves him off with a small, lopsided smile.

The food, Rook and Jacob mostly say no to, along with some others at the table. Sharky however, talks Pratt into giving one of the testicles a go. He even manages to cajole and needle Grace until she looks like she's contemplating it, while Mary May snorts and laughs beside them and Joey's grin is so wide, Rook thinks her cheeks must hurt by now.

It's great, she thinks and, just because she can, leans a bit against Jacob. His hand brushes her lower back briefly and she feels her smile widen. This is a good life, with all those wonderful people surrounding her, a warm night with summer waiting ahead of them and questionable but laughter inducing food and shitty alcohol waiting to be ordered.

"Happy?" Jacob asks her, quiet and barely loud enough to be heard over the upbeat music and jovial festival visitors.

"Yeah." Rook answers and looks at him, her smile softening to something she can't quite define but Jacob seems to understand anyway. He gives her a small, secretive smile in return, before something that Grace says catches his attention and he looks up with a lifted eyebrow, answering.

Rook feels her smile turn into something small and easy. Looking at her friends, happy and knowing that they're all going to be okay, Rook thinks that every step, every nightmare, every painful thing and everything that still lies ahead, everything in her other life, it's all worth it. It brought her here, connected her with these people and there is no place she'd rather be.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to drop by [my tumblr](http://sky-daybreak.tumblr.com/) if you wish to =)


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